Eucharisto

Rebirth

2007-04-10T00:38:00.000-07:00

For all of my faithful bloggers who have been here ages, you can probably see what's coming, don't ya?

Yes, sigh, it's true, yet again I add another blog to my already gratuitous amount of online profiles.

Ah, but this time it's different. For you see, this new blog might very possibly become the old blog, and vice versa. I've loved blogger for a long time, and don't have any intention of closing this blog down, but I'm setting up a mirror blog over at Wordpress. the link is here. Let me know what you think!

Filling My Empty Heart

2007-04-07T14:38:00.000-07:00

Well, it’s that time of year again, the day before Easter, where we wait in anticipation of the coming celebration. I too am considering so many things in my life. Easter always seems to be the perfect time to reevaluate my life, to see the road that God has put me upon. So here are some simple thoughts from my heart. Not profound, by most standards, but deeply felt.

I tend to struggle with staying faithful to my spiritual responsibilities. Everyday life has a way of intruding, pushing it’s way between me and my faith, like a little kid sliding between two adults in conversation. I want to desire a rich life of faith; I feel such a need for something in my life. But online conversations, grocery store runs, dirty kitchens, coffee with a friend, everything makes itself so much more prevalent than spirituality.

I’ve come to find what I think is at least a partial answer to the problem. God is very subtle. And I don’t mean subtle in the sense that He beats around the bush; more like He’s the shadowy figure in the corner of the room. Sometimes it’s especially hard to find that individual in the shadows, because the rest of the room is so brightly lit by everything and everyone else vying for attention. The brighter the room, the darker the shadow. Sometimes, in this world of mega churches, with big rock bands, and people shouting out the messages of cultural relevance, God kind of slips away. And it’s there that I miss Him.

These past couple months have been very transformational for me. Frankly, it’s been considerably difficult merging back into family life. Coming back home, most of my friends from when I was formerly here are gone, or in other situations. It has been a time of lots of solitude and reflection. I’ve really struggled with my faith, because for the longest time, I rode on the coattails of friends and activities, things that I used as a safety net, so that if I felt lost in my relationship with God, I could fall back on all the busyness and friends and activities in my life. Now, being home in relative quietness, with little to occupy my time, I no longer can fall back on all those partially superficial things. God isn’t so subtle anymore. He’s come out of the shadows; He’s waiting for me. And it makes me feel uncomfortable.

It doesn’t change the fact that I try to fill up my time with other things. But it does mean that I no longer feel secure in those things. Being alone has made me face my faith head-on. What does God want from me? Why can’t I just find friends and activities and be secure in those things? Is God trying to punish me?

The Word says that whom the Lord loves, He disciplines. And when you take the word “discipline” here, I don’t think it means punishment. I think it means building up, Breaking through. There is a hole in my life, and when it’s not filled up with other things, it’s very, very empty.

I recently revisited some of my old blog posts, to see how my life has progressed. I was certain I would see how changed a person I am now, in comparison to what I was then. I was assured of my own maturity. However, the first post I read knocked me flat, because I found myself being chastised and instructed by my younger self. Here’s what I said:

I have struggled for a long time, because I have taken my talents, and put them before God. I have said, 'Since I am so good at this, I must do it, since I shouldn't waste talent'. I now know that I owe my talents to God, as it was Him who gave them to me. I realize that if I am able to give them to Him, he can mold those gifts into His perfect will. And in realizing that, I see that art is good, science is good, all knowledge is given by God, but these things, used for the purpose of themselves, makes them purposeless. So, I know that the only thing I can now claim to have is Jesus, and His love for me.

It struck me how true it is that I want everything in life but Christ. I am no more heavenly minded than the next guy, but I have no excuse. I’ve got the knowledge and the means to find a fulfilled life. All I have to do is commit it to God, day after day.

I’ve spent so much of my life looking for meaning in all the wrong places, when in truth, it was standing on the sidelines all along. Now that God is right there in front of me, I think I feel a bit insecure in what I have to offer. It’s a pretty meager offer, comparatively. But I’m finally willing to admit what I did in that post so long ago, that the only thing I can claim is what He gives me. I can’t offer anything real back to Him, I’m reliant on Him to give me anything of worth in the first place. The thing that I am fearful of is the only thing that can really offer me any security or meaning. God is slowly working through my heart, filling up that empty space. He’s the only thing that really fulfills.

Lord, even as this Easter season is upon us again, I feel insecure in the light of who I am, and who you are. I feel empty, much like the disciples must have felt in those days before you rose back to life. I’m insecure and doubtful. I want to believe in your promises, but don’t understand how. Please come back into my life, just as you did when you left death hollow and vacant, like the empty tomb you left, so that you could fill us instead. Please fill me as I try to seek you again, in isolation or in happy community. Help me to embrace your life wherever I am in life. Thank you that your love never fails. I wait in humble expectation of your love. Come quickly, Lord. Amen.

Virb Is The Word

2007-03-12T15:25:00.000-07:00

So I've decided to host my music primarily at a fabulous new site, very similar to purevolume (yes, I bury myself even deeper in the cultural pit of social networking!). It's called Virb, and it's the next big thing.

You can listen to an old song, an old song re-recorded, and two new songs, right here. Cheers!

Growing Young

2007-03-06T23:27:00.000-08:00

Well everybody used to tell me
Big boys don't cry
I've been around enough to know
That that was a lie
That held back the tears
In the eyes of a thousand
Prodigal sons

We are children no more
We have sinned and grown old
But our Father still waits
And He watches down the road
To see the crying boys come running
Back into His arms
Growing young
-Rich Mullins

It's funny, the older and more mature I get, the more I think I would enjoy acting. I mean, I've done it all my life; it's been an integral part of my education. I've always loved the thrill of finding the groove of a character, and falling into place with the quirks and specialities of my assigned personality. But the more mature I become, the more I can delve into nuances and subtleties I never knew existed before. The more I grow into adulthood, the better I understand and appreciate the human nature.

It's an odd growth, coming into a deeper realization of the person I am becoming. It's like waking up, over and over again. Sometimes I absorb these characteristics consciously, sometimes not. But the more I internalize differing emotions and embody a more expressive rationale, the more I feel like I understand who I am, and the better I relate to others in life. However, inevitibly, it has also built into me a deeper understanding of the negative aspects of the human nature. Fear; sarcasm; obstinacy; recently I have become more and more aware of my shortcomings. I see that as much as I am capable of being a well-rounded, great guy, I am far more prone to fall and mess up. It disturbs me now in a way it never did before; it keeps me up at nights.

It's a strange irony. When I was young, just like any normal kid, I dreamt of an adult life, with all of its apparent priviledges and pleasures. Now that I'm here, I shoulder not only a deep responsibility for myself and others, but the weight of knowing I will inevitibly fail those people somewhere along the way. Sometimes in my darkest moments I think that I would love nothing better than to live in happy oblivion; not only with an innocence, but with naivety. To be ignorant of evil and sorrow. It's a hard burden to bear the knowledge of good and evil. I better understand now, what I betrayal Adam and Eve's choice was of God's love. They had life, and peace given by a loving Father, and they chose knowledge over God's life. I see that I unfortunately fall into this lie occasionally as well. And if I were truly honest with myself, I'd love nothing more than to give it up for ignorant bliss.

When I was young I used to think that it would be rather impressive to experience sorrow and pain, like I saw in the lives of others around me. It seemed almost as if it were a proud and important burden to bear. Now, having lived through my own moments of sadness and difficulty, I know that such thinking was earnest, but misguided childishness. There is nothing good or pleasant or true about pain, sorrow, or sin. They are simply true to themselves. They are a bleak and stark picture of wrong. There is, simply put, no right about it.

But there is right beyond it. C.S. Lewis once said that "pain is God's megaphone to arouse a dead world". In otherwords, pain is the conduit of meaningful redemption. Pain is what I would call a negative virtue. In existing and working in our lives, it proves the need for the very opposite of what it embodies. Like the void that proves the absence, and therfore the need for light, pain and sorrow open our eyes not only to the existence, but the profound need for hope and love. It's almost as if we need that pain to understand the depth of love.

I hear people throw the phrase "Faith like a child" around all the time. Most often, it is used in a context that proposes that such faith should exist as if we were innocent, perhaps even unknowledgeable of doubt and fear. I think this is utter nonsense. When we have experienced true sorrow in our lives, it can never fully be removed from our heart. It is forever a burden and grief that only heaven can fully heal. To pretend like that grief doesn't exist, to ignore it, is to buy into a lie that ultimately leads to breakdown. No, faith like a child cannot be held together by a false-naivety. There is a much stronger bond that holds the fibers of faith in place.

Love. It hopes in all things, it believes in all things, and perhaps most importantly, it endures all things. The Apostle Paul himself said that the greatest virtue, even beyond faith, is love. This is because love doesn't deny the grief of sin and sorrow. It doesn't take on a false sense of guiltlessness. It instead fills that void of sadness with the grace of Christ's sufficient love. Love covers a multitude of sin. We can't forget the heaviness of a heart grown old and worn with sin, but we can always choose to grow young again by living in the love that Christ has offered for us. We don't live in false naivety that leads to short-fallen expectations, but rather we choose to live in a knowledgeable innocence, where we will still be haunted in the night by sin and sorrow, but comforted by the hope of Christ's love that allows us to sleep in peace.

Perhaps love is like acting after all! It takes onto itself a role; in the case of the human nature, it displays the character and nature of the greatest role of all: Christ. Even as I would embody the personality and virtues of my character in a play, in reality I absorb the truth and personhood of Christ. And with that role well practiced and internalized, I live out the ultimate play of life. When I feel the pain of my life as it is in the real world, with difficulties and grief, I have to put on the character of Christ, and live in Him again. Pain is natural. Christ is supernatural. He transcends what we know, and transforms us into we desire in Him. Through this putting on of Christ, I am able to live my life, and push beyond sin and sorrow; not forgetting or ignoring those hinderances, but instead pushing beyond them to live in true grace and love.

Yes, It's True!

2007-03-01T20:19:00.000-08:00

I am, in fact, Smarter Than A 5th Grader. There are 200 decades in 2 millenia, not 20. But then again, that question might challenge you if you aren't good at basic math. Like, 2X5=...Duh...Uhmmm...Wait a second...Oh yeah! 10!

This show is not only telling example of where the intelligence of our country stands, but also just plain embarrassing. Or, it might just show how absolutely meaningless most of the stuff is that we learn in our public schools. All I gotta say is, save me. Or shoot me. I'm not sure which.

Cloud Nine (or actually quite a lot more than nine!)

2007-02-13T09:15:00.000-08:00

Check it out! WORD CLOUD!

Turn, Turn, Turn

2007-01-30T21:52:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I wonder if there is unimaginable beauty in the midst of monotany. Everytime the sun shines down its rays, the beauty and profound intricacy of the light is a pouring out of God's life and creativity. Yes, the sun has, for thousands of years, shone down on every person alive. It rises and sets, rises and sets, over and over again. And yet, every time it does, its luminous glory remains unfaded. We humans live as if all transformations are positive to our lives, every metamorphosis an alteration for the better; that variety and growth are not only good, but central to our human condition. Surely there is a seed of truth in such a thought; but is God Himself not unhcanging? Surely the true miracle of life is its constancy. The sun's beauty is unfading and remarkable, not because we fear it's future distruction and change; no rather, it is the fact that it rose today, and will, in all expectancy, rise again tomorrow.

The sun's rays are especially bright this afternoon, reflecting off the newly fallen snow outside. As it filters in through the blinds on my window, dividing into varying blinding strips of light, I wonder at my own tranquility. I could have easily missed this small miracle; I am prone to menial distractions, empty illusions of enteratainment. I am feeble and weak, oftn unable to see beauty and truth staring me in the face, much less reach out to it. But we are made with an imaged stamped onto our souls, and I am no more able to reject that identity than I am my own name. Even engaged in a life-long struggle to free myself from my fallibility, when I take hold of my own identity, endowed by a father's hand from which I cannot disown myself, I am free.

We are created for constancy. Nature knows this; it repeats itself again and again, like a relentless shout of praise going up to heaven. We too know this, deep in our hearts, even if we stumble and fall all over our own foolish free wills. When we grasp order over chaos, constancy over pointless change, we glorify God even great than the natural world around us. Nature praises God in sacred monotany because it can do nothing else; if we fail, the rocks themselves will cry out. But when we, as humans with frustrating free wills, struggle over our own falleness and blindness, we have something greater: Communion. The word is often understood as coming together to praise God. But perhaps it is something more. Perhaps communion, just like the act associated with the word, namely the eucharist, is about an intentional, meaningful choice to come back, to do the act again and again. The most common of elements, bread and wine. Take this body, broken for you; take this blood, which was spilled for you. I will not forget; I will remember. I will do it again and again. Bread of life, common and average, of little variety. Bread of life, I will come back.

As the sun fades behind the foothills, leaving a brilliant line of fire streaking across the treeline, I know in my heart that I will praise again. I will stop for a moment again. Monotonous, but increasingly sacred and beautiful with each repetition. I will come again. I will come again.

Post Script
Many thanks to G.K. Chesterton for inspiring me to write this post. :)

M. Night, The Last Airbender?

2007-01-19T00:44:00.000-08:00

Ok, I know that I've been doing some massive blogging today, and I encourage you not to forget about the several other posts below as well. But I couldn't contain my excitement at some news!

M. Night Shyamalan, one of my current favorite directors, has just signed on to bring one of my current favorite cartoons, Avatar: The Last Airbender, to the big screen. I doesn't get much better than this, folks! :)
Thanks to mnight.com for the link!

Changes Come

2007-01-18T19:39:00.000-08:00

Well, I hope I'm not overwhelming everyone with so many blog posts at once; maybe it's making up for all that lost time.

Anyway, I'd like to ask for you, my dear readers, to weigh in on my recent blog changes, most notably on the sidebar. Does it work? Should I keep it, keep working on it, or trash the whole thing? How about the featured work of art? yes? no? I desire your opinions! Speak up!

So Anyway, to Reiterate...

2007-01-17T08:07:00.000-08:00

It has been more than two months since I last graced (?) you, my dear readers, with a post on the ongoing adventure that is my life, and in reality, have never actually transcribed my experience in Seattle to written word. Much has transpired in these recent months, and I have been eager to restart my dying blog. I think my blog always falters at the first of the year. I don't know why. Perhaps it goes along with my theory that January 1st is the biggest letdown in the entire year. See, Jan 1st doesn't excite me. Generally, I'm just tired and cranky. Especially this winter, with the massive amounts of snow, I'm feeling trapped and stir crazy. I need some new life. So it is with great joy (and great effort) that I strain the muscles of my mind to retell my most recent foray into the educational world, and the experiences I had on either end.

I arrived in Seattle to light mist and rain. Not surprising, if you are at all familiar with the NW United States. After a hectic drive down Snoqualmie pass, which leads I-90 out of the Cascade Mountains, to a 3000 foot steep decent towards the west coast, we crossed a bridge across lake Washington, drove though a final tunnel, and finally emerged to daylight, and a breathtaking view of the Emerald City.

I don't know exactly how to explain Seattle. It is an anomaly of sorts. I have often heard it said that Seattle is the best-kept secret in the United States. And for good reason. The city rises out of the ground like a metallic flowerbed, in the midst of an emerald green earth. To the East, the royal blue olympic mountain range rises like jagged cliffs from the ground. Unlike the soft foot hills of Colorado that I am used to, these mountains are rough and wild, beautiful but intimidating. To the south, Mount Rainier rises like a modern Atlas, high above the city, overshadowing the sky with it's might and power. It is a living rock, occasionally shaking the ground around it, to remind all who live near that it is an active organism, just as it's softly curved peak indicates. To the West, the cascades provide the mirror image of the olympics. Towering high and ominously, both mountain ranges surround Seattle like walls of a fortress.

The city itself is certainly able to hold it's own among the natural beauty surrounding it. The Seattle center, with it's 70's retro crown masterpiece, the Space Needle rising high in the air, the Seattle Public Library, with it's eleven stories of glass and steel shaped deftly into a veritable maze of architectural elegance, even Pike's Market, with it's quaint, crowded streets and european style vendor booths, so many elements come together to make Seattle strange and wonderful. It is architecturally a living contradiction; 21st century condominiums are popping up everywhere like rabbits in mating season, and the WaMu bank building downtown is a soaring testimony to the achievements of modernity. And yet, the preposterous monorail track still winds from the Seattle Center to downtown like an ugly stain marring the otherwise impressive landscape. The viaduct circling the city rattles and shouts in dismay as it waits for the next earthquake to topple it, even as the poor of the downtown district seek shelter beneath it's faltering legs of concrete and steel. Seattle is a bit like an old gentleman; living its life in stately elegance, but failing to hide the fading years and lingering past. Seattle was once known for it's modern innovation and futuristic aspirations. It now struggles to hold on to the life it once knew, while still trying to keep up with the world around it, flashing by with dizzying speed. That is why it is the best kept secret. The world will see it, and walk merrily on its way.

Only two miles north, along the edge of a canal spilling out into the sound, is Seattle Pacific University. It is a small school, barely a few hundred feet from each end. The fact that it is built on the steep slope of Queen Anne Hill makes it appear even smaller. But what it loses in size, it makes up for in character. The minute you drive up, the quaint red brick buildings surrounding a small grassy knoll provide for a lovely first sight. Many towering oaks and pines soar over the buildings in glorious northwest majesty. The very fact that each structure is so close together makes for a warm and secure environment. There are small coffee shops and resturants on the side steets, providing for rewarding walking excursions. Right across the road, a small bike trail follows the canal for miles and miles.

As I took all of this in, I went to my dorm, to unload into my new home. I was pleased to step out into a world of people and excitement, with everyone around me also participating in the joy of getting into their own living quarters. I quickly met the rest of the guys on my floor, and began to form friendships. Also that day, as a tempering to my excitement was an incident in which a Hummer backed into my car. It's tire was so tall that the bumper went over the hood of my meager economy car! But that's for another time and place. Needless to say, I was able to resolve the matter.

Anyway, I settled into my new home, and began to prepare myself for a new life. The next two-and-a-half months were a conglomeration of many experiences. I should emphasize the world experience, because this autumn was a time for me to "experience" new events and friendships. I think that my life is spent living in a metaphorical hat shop. I tend to walk down the long isles, waiting patiently until one hat catches my eye. I'll then get the step ladder and reach up high to grab it, and try it on. If it meets my fancy, I'll go and look at myself in the mirror; if not, I'll simply put it back in it's box. You see, the problem is, I have a very specific taste in hats, and I don't feel that it is the right hat, I'll simply move onto the next one. I'm so sure that somewhere in that hat shop, a nice cap, or perhaps fedora is waiting just for me.

To tie that back in with my point, I think that Seattle was one experience in the midst of many where I tried on a "hat" that was very popular; go to a private Christian university, get a degree in communications, and have a good, Christian experience. And as far as that could take me, I enjoyed it. I stumbled upon intricately scrumptious discussions about old English books like Beowulf and Canterbury Tales. I saw a massive amount of movies, and one screening that blew my socks off (the Queen. I REALLY liked it). I had a lot of firsts: Sushi, Sufjan Stevens, Indiana Jones, Bubble Tea (!), Ice Blocking (!!), The Great Gatsby, and much more. Every experience was new and exciting.

My time at SPU was indeed characterized by a string of experiences. Aesthetic satisfaction in buying stylish, chic clothing, going to all the right places for a young 20something, seeing the most hip movies. It was all so enjoyable. But throughout my time there, I began to feel an uneasiness, something creeping up the walls of my soul. I was having such a stellar time, that I couldn't put my finger on it at first. But slowly it started to come to me. I started to remember. I remembered that I'm called to bigger things than to live a successful cultural life and do everything expected of my by that culture. That I have a rich soul, a heritage of literature and discussion and great art, that I have a stewardship to continue to cultivate, and look for environments where it can flourish. I remembered that the kingdom of God calls us to more than fun experiences, but that everything I use my resources on will build toward my legacy. As soon as I got home, it all started to crash down, the realization of the actual monetary cost of SPU, and this loss of direction that I had come to. I even started to realize that every church I went to was filled with young 20 and 30 somethings looking for meaning amidst the empty rock and overblown aesthetics. Nothing in this land of Oz kept it's luster that long. I soon realized that the very impressive and alluring figure in front of me, was no more than smoke and mirrors, and that the man behind the curtain was really feeble, unable to uphold my thirst for true life, in the midst of emptiness.

This isn't to say that I dislike SPU, or regret my time there. I think that SPU is still an excellent school. I know few places so well formed for Christian students to study. With SPU taken alone, apart from the rest of my Seattle experience, it really is a wonderful place to study and grow. It offered me a lot of resources that were very helpful to me in my journey. I was finally able to taste community like never before, and I loved it. I still desire to find it in my own life. I expanded my mental capacity substantially through the classwork and study. Two professors especially contributed to my learning experience, and opened my world to new ideas and works of great literature. Christ really was front and central at the school, even if it was hard to figure out how to follow that realization up with practical applications. Many of those experiences I spoke of earlier will continue to be wonderful memories, that I look back on fondly. Many of my friends were thoughtful, intelligent, and worthy of the best of the best. I've rarely met such well-formed people so focused in one place. I truly wish them the greatest joy in life, and success at SPU. I am sure I will continue to maintain friendships with them in time to come. It wasn't that all was wrong. I grew a lot at SPU. But there were so many elements at play besides the wonderful SPU experience: My heritage, my future plans, my spiritual condition, I personally was under conflict from some of those things. I was also losing something. It's taken me this long to figure out what. But I know now finally. I had to step away from the experience to see it.

I think, that I lost some sort of innocence. I traded an experience I was told was the right thing to do, for the God-given joy of living freely with my eyes wide open. It has been a long silence between moments of artistic and spiritual euphoria, rising up within me and spilling out. I used to breathe deeply of life, live in constant wide-eyed wonder. I used to feel a breath of air on my face, and take it for more than an annoyance. Yes there was sadness and loneliness; but at least I could feel those emotions freely. I have become a bit numb and stale as of late.

Life comes at you fast. For me, car payments and work, study and, most likely, sleep deprivation, stole something frank and poignant from my soul. It is easy to forget; it is far harder to relearn and remember. I forgot that the joy of the Lord is my strength. I forgot that the wind at my back and the sun on my face were more than just elements of a nice day, but were profound statements of the spirit of God pouring life upon me. I was so caught up in aesthetic experience, that I gave up the truth of beauty and imagination, of a calling larger than any one institution, for something temporal and menial. The experience cost me not only a large sum of literal money, but also threatened to steal away the rich treasure within my soul. Classes, staying active all the time, and never stopping, all this led to me filling up my life with duties and responsibilities, rather than beauty, truth, art, and every soul enriching thing I have cherished in the past.

So I put my foot down and stepped away. I closed the door. It was an extremely difficult decision to make. I agonized over it, if not only for all the wonderful friends I made. Based on feelings alone, I probably wouldn't have left. But something was pushing me to consider more than just my feelings. You know when you are asleep, and the alarm clock goes off, and everything in your body says, "go back to sleep, ignore it"? But you know that you have to wake up, and fight against every feeling that says not to wake up? That is what it is like. I'm slowly waking up again. But I'm fighting every impulse in my being to do so.

I'm afraid I'm a still a bit drowsy, and will be so for a while. I'm not good at waking up. That metaphorical sleepiness will probably remain with me for a long time to come. I am at home once again, seeking the will of the Holy Spirit, trying to remember how to hear His voice. I've been deaf to it so long. I'm afraid that just as in these most recent two posts, my journey towards becoming awake again will be a slow, oftentimes clumsy one. But I hope that you, my dear readers, will take hope with me in the future, that goodness and joy awaits, and that you will be patient with me as I open my eyes to all I have lost in the last couple months, and allow me to find my wide-eyed wonder once again.

Tagged again!

2006-11-30T14:49:00.000-08:00

Like a vicious circle. Every couple months or so, there's another one that pops up!

25 Things I want to do before I die:

1. Record and perform my own music. Perhaps even for a living, or as a calling.
2. Read all of my favorite books, one more time.
3. Meet Bono.
4. Learn how to speak German fluently (not just the "Lebensmittel deutsch" that I know now).
5. Visit Iona and study my celtic Christian heritage.
6. Live in my native (kind of) country (Austria) for a little while.
7. Find a real cause to be part of.
8. Act in a movie. Even if just once.
9. Understand my relationship with God, develop a deeper relationship with Christ
10. Write a beautiful and profound fantasy/novel/memoir book.
11. Own a Lowden Guitar.
12. Live in peace.
13. Get to be involved in world events, like missions, or aid, or diplomacy, or something big like that.
14. Build strong and lasting friendships.
15. Visit England.
16. Revisit Russia.
17. Learn how to speak French fluently.
18. Learn how to dance. No, really, I'm serious.
19. Climb some 14'ners. Probably only Coloradoans will pick up on this one.
20. Inspire people towards their relationship in Christ.
21. Visit China.
22. Meet, marry, and spend my life with a beautiful and woman who I can be a wonderful husband to.
23. Have a lasting impact on the next generation, especially through a family of my own.
24. Understand my place in time, and how to prepare for eternity.
25. Learn how to really, honestly love.

Ok, tagged are:
Foolish Knight,
Tuesday's Child,
Ruth,
...And that's all for now.

Grey And Wet

2006-11-14T16:20:00.000-08:00

Never Truer...

"Seattle is like living with the most beautiful woman in the world...

...Who is sick 90% of the time."
~Heard from J.J. Kisinger

Amen, J.J.

A hearty amen.

Grace (EDIT: This is the 100th post of Eucharisto! Yay! Happy Birthday, dear, beloved blog!)

2006-11-11T12:47:00.000-08:00

Lord, thank you for grace. Thank you that it's something I see everyday, throughout my life. Thank you that even though falling down still hurts, it's cushioned by your grace, which gives me a reason to get back up again. After all, all of your saints are just sinners who fall down, and get up. It's like a weird dance in a way, isn't it? The graceful steps of remembering your promises to me, even as I knowingly swing to close to sin, and sometimes fall right into it. Sometimes I dance with two left feet. But I really like dancing with you anyway, God, because you know all the steps, and always pick me back up, and help me remember the rhythm and rhyme of the song. Grace is good, because you are good, God. I love every minute of experiencing your grace, living in it.

But Father, grace isn't fair. I'm starting to see that now. It's unequal, unmerited, and unexpected. I love it when those things are in my favor, I love benefiting from grace. I think in my fallible self, I like grace best at those times. But the problem is, grace is an equal opportunist, and just as I live "in" grace, I must also live "out" grace. That's the hard part. It's easy enough to accept it when I don't deserve it. But it's so hard to give it when others don't deserve it. That's the frustrating thing about grace. It's exactly what Bono said, that "love interrupts the consequences of our actions". And when others deserve to reap consequence, we have to push against it, putting on the face of love, and change what should be, under justice, to what must be, under grace. You knew that we'd need all the grace we could get from you, because of the enormous task it would be for our small-minded selves to turn the tide on our own sinful natures, and love anyway.

Jesus, I don't deserve to be loved or given grace, but I am. You altered logic and reason, so that you could live in me and through me, and now I am filled with your Spirit. It wasn't fair that I received grace, that I get to feel alive and loved, but you abolished fair, because if the world must live by what is fair and deserved, then we're all of us humans going to Hell. Thank you God, thank you so much that grace isn't fair. Help me to remember that with my interaction with all your people.

P.S. Thanks to Foolish Knight for inspiring this post with his "Grateful Tuesdays". I'd apologize for stealing his template this one time, but then again, prayer is public domain, right?

Snowbird

2006-10-26T11:10:00.000-07:00

Hello, my faithful readers! Yes, note that exlamation mark, it is important. It denotes my excitement at having seen the incredible Sufjan Stevens, live and in person, downtown Seattle last week.
I don't think I've ever experienced something quite so unique. He was the eagle captain (literally), and his musicians were the butterfly brigade. They took us flying through the most pleasurable of sounds, bells and whistles, horns and fiddles. I've never seen a spectacle like it, and I don't think I ever will again.

But fortunately for you. The concert and music is not all that excites me today, dear readers. I'm am also immesurably pleased to link to a page where you too can experience, via 'you tube' video, the Eagle Captain's new anthem, Majesty, Snowbird.

Oh, and while you're here, I might as well forward you on to one of my other blogs, where I have posted new pictures of my time here in Seattle.

Enjoy and be amazed!

City of Blinding Lights

2006-09-30T00:02:00.000-07:00

Seattle At Night (Panorama), originally uploaded by Tolkien Guy.

My new favorite pic of my new favorite city. This picture is a perfect representation of the excitment, and fear, that are ever present within me in this new period in my life. This photo brings those emotions out in me, for some reason.

Northern Lights

2006-09-28T16:43:00.000-07:00

City of Blinding Lights, originally uploaded by Tolkien Guy.

Yes, I have arrived. After long, ardurous hours last week, driving through barren wasteland stretching thousands of miles, we drove down a mountain pass, and tumbled into the midst of the vast city of Seattle. We experienced a light rain, which surprisingly has turned into a week of beautiful sunshine. I've now been in my new home for just over a week, learning the in's and out's, getting over the initial overwhelming wave of details and monotony.

The picture above is from Gas Works Park, about a mile or two from campus, taken about 11:30 Tuesday night with my new digital camera. If any of you, my readers, ever make it to Seattle, I will take you to the aforementioned park, in the middle of the night to see the most incredible panerama of a city skyline you've ever seen. I think Seattle must be the best kept secret in the United States. It's breathtakingly beautiful everywhere you go, has an endless array of coffeeshops and eateries, and has entertainment to match the greatest of cities on the east coast. I'm afraid I might never leave.

Anyway, I'm here, and new things are happening. Something's on the air. Stay ready for exciting news at any time!

Post Script: This picure frustratingly seems to want to obscure part of itself on the right side of the page, underneath the sidebar. So you'll just have to take my word for it that aliens have not finally stolen the Space Needle. It's still there, but apparently too shy to make a full appearance.

Myspace Surveys Are Like Big Brother

2006-09-17T21:32:00.000-07:00

They're always present somewhere. You can't escape them. And now I've succumbed to a similar survey myself. But really, when you get tagged, there's not much you can do anyway, right?

Ok, let's cut the small talk. Here's the good stuff:

Four Jobs I've had in my life:
1. Bookstore Assistant (current job)
2. Conference Booktable Manager
3. Chili's server (for two days; I just ain't cut out for it)
4. Admin Assistant

Four movies I would watch over and over:
1. The Village
2. The New World
3. Lord of the Rings
4. Finding Neverland

Four places I have lived (In Chronological Order):
1. Vienna, Austria
2. Los Angeles, California
3. Lebanon, Tennessee
4. Seattle, Washington (my new home!)

Four TV shows I love to watch
1. Monk
2. 24
3. Smallville
4. The Office

Four places I have been on vacation
1. Prince Edward Island, Canada
2. Breckenridge, Colorado
3. Cape Cod, Massachusetts
4. Vienna, Austria

Four of my favorite foods
1. Home-Grilled Steaks
2. Fish and Chips
3. Spagetti Pie (Mom's cooking!)
4. Blue Bacon Cheeseburger

Four places I would rather be right now (Because at the moment I'm in the middle of nowhere in Wyoming, and anywhere is better than that):
1. Seattle (Because that's where I'm heading)
2. Monument, Colorado (there's no place like home!)
3. Laguna Beach, California
4. Vienna, Austria

Four things I always carry with me
1. My heritage
2. My hair
3. My imagination
4. My Memory

Four friends that I think will respond (but I won't be surprised or offended if you don't):
1. Sumedh
2. Ruth
3. Conan LeBlanc
4. Why

Tag you're it! You are tagged. So here it goes... Copy and paste. . Delete my
answers, replace with your own and send it back to me and on to other friends!

It's not really over though, because I decided to use some of my good friend Foolish Knight's questions! Here you go:

Four albums I could listen to until those darn cows come home:
1. Over The Rhine: Ohio
2. U2, The Joshua Tree (very possibly my numbre uno Desert Island album. Maybe.)
3. Rich Mullins: A Liturgy, A Legacy, And A Ragamuffin Band
4. Sufjan Stevens, Come On! Feel the Illinoise!

Four writers that have changed my life (or at least caused me to jump up and say AMEN quite loudly)
1. C. S. Lewis (to reiterate what Foolish Knight said: Duh.)
2. Mr. G. K. Chesterton (sorry, Foolish Knight, to steal your top two, but they're just the obvious choice.)
3. Alan Paton (Brings startling clarity to the world around me)
4.Dostdoyevsky (and I'm still not totally finished with any of his books; but I love them all the same)
5. Phillip Yancy (hey, you didn't really expect me to keep it at four, did you?)

Four dead people who are also my heroes
1. Daniel (amazing prophet. Can't deny his profundity; besides, Foolish Knight already stole Jeremiah.)
2. Rich Mullins (I love his spirit; you can catch it all throughout his music)
3. St. Patrick (anyone who can defeat paganism in Ireland, and replace it with Christianity, within a couple decades, has my high esteem and respect)
4. John the Apostle (his love and devotion for Christ, as a deep friend is amazing. I want to see Christ through the same lense he did)

Four things I'd grab from a fire
1. My Bible (so many memories)
2. My MacBook, as yet unnamed
3. My full-scale Knight's Templar broadsword
4. Some of my writing (I couldn't ever get all of it; too much to grab in one handful)

Aha! But it's STILL not over! I get to add some of my own questions!

Four books I've read twice, or more:
1. The Man Who Was Thursday, G.K. Chesterton
2. A Wrinkle In Time, Madeleine L'Engle
3. The Great Divorce, C.S. Lewis
4. A Series of Unfortunate Events: Book the 1st

Four Musicians I'd like to see Live:
1. U2
2. Sigur Ros
3. Over The Rhine
4. Ben Folds

Four Favorite Video/computer Games (Ok, so I'm a little bit of a geek; who cares, right?)
1. Age Of Empires II: The Age of Kings
2. Kingdom Hearts II
3. Grand Turismo
4. Jak 3

Ok, that's all for now folks. Tune in next time to read a 10 page thesis on the societal perils of Myspace surveys. Single-spaced.

Beyond Ohio

2006-08-23T22:40:00.000-07:00

Hello Ohio
The back roads
I know Ohio
Like the back of my hand
Alone Ohio
Where the river bends
And it's strange to see your story end
~Over The Rhine

It's a warm night. I know this to be true, not only because of the moist air that is pervading my room through my window, which is slightly cracked, but also because of the summer sounds outside, such as the endless chirps of crickets. Temperature-wise, It's at that point where it's not too hot, but never cool enough to get too comfortable. It makes me feel slow and plodding, lazy. Exactly like the end of summer should feel. And yet, there is something not quite perfect here. I may be laid back and enjoying the last days of August, but there is something that is bugging me. And it's not just the crickets.

It's like a pin prick in my heart. I've just started to feel it deep inside, kind of a tingly feeling, like the feeling people get up and down their arms, at the shocking plot twist in a movie. It's been getting stronger and stronger as the month progresses. I think maybe I've finally figured it out. I'm moving again. Moving to a new state, a foreign land, for all I know. An instance of going to a place I haven't lived yet. But those occurrences, for the most part, are becoming alarmingly rare.

Most people don't understand. Why do me and my kind keep doing it? What drives us on? Honestly, I have no idea. It's not something I can explain in words. It's even hard for me to comprehend. But I simply can't stop. You could say the spirit is moving, or perhaps you'd simply say it's a wisp of the wind. I'd like to think it's the former, but regardless, I'll just keep going, searching, grasping for something higher, true to my own nature...
-----------------------------------
Two weeks ago, I had the distinct privilege of participating in an arts conference, sponsored by the Image Journal, down in Santa Fe, NM. It was a welcome break from the hectic and frustrating duties of daily life. My family had finally bought a house, and because of the short distance between houses, and the lack of time to line up movers, I was called up to help move the many earthly possessions of my family from one house to another. We had barely dragged the last box into the garage before we took off to Santa Fe. Just me and my Mom on a last adventure before I leave for Seattle, and college.

It was a wonderful time of reflection and rest, to simply take a step back and reopen the door to my mind and soul. One of the greatest joys throughout the week was participating in a small group of twenty people, helmed by Karin Berquist and Linford Detweiler, from Over The Rhine. Tenderly they lead us into the deep waters of music and lyricism that most of us had not ventured to find. For me especially, I knew the feeling of fear well. Outside the borders, there be monsters a' wating. But we were safe as the steady hands of Karin and Linford steered us toward land again. A beautiful time it was, for sure. It flew by so quickly, though the ideas did sink deep into my thought-process. I met so many people who I immediately understood on a level deeper than idle conversation. Many of these people will be burned in my memory for time to come, even if I never have the chance to meet them again. People from all over the United States, all over the world, who were all vastly different, and yet, of one accord.

All the meetings and discussions, thoughts and ideals, started to come to a point. I couldn't put my finger on it, but even as I was driving away into the wild expanse of New Mexico, I know something of great meaning was established for me in that short time. The drive was a good time for me to be lost in the music of Over the Rhine's Ohio. And as I listened to the tales of love and heartache, war and peace, memories and deep planted roots, something began to build in my mind. A kind of heartache myself. As if I were yearning for that which these people I admire so much had, and continue to build upon. I felt sorrow for that which was not part of my history.

I have always known that me and my type are, to an extent, nomads. Strangers in a strange land. We never sit down long enough to know we are sitting, because soon enough, the wind picks up, and we catch a scent and leave again. I have told myself time and again that I was never meant to live a life of security and steadiness, that instead my life is told by a greater tale, more fabulous and grand than most will ever dream of. But still, lying on my bed, feeling the damp summer air around me, I can feel a small breeze whiz along my face, and I feel that longing lump up clumsily along the wall of my throat. Chasing the wind, it's all I do, or have ever done. Floating along helplessly toward some unknown place. And yet, even in my vague angst, I hear the faintest mumbling of a still, small voice, like a paradox to my frustration and dobut, and yet again, I have no choice but to follow.

I know, even in my stubborn worldliness, that this longing in my heart isn't really to live in my own retreat, or any physical location. That would simply be my misguided focus on what I know to be something far larger and more consequential. My real longing is for home, and I see, as in a mirror dimly, a blurry image of my Father, his beautiful son, and the spirit that has been with me all along, pushing me, sometimes pulling me against my will, toward true home, and true community and love.
-----------------------------------------
Of all men, I am most deeply blessed. And among the masses, I bear a difficult thorn in the flesh. This pain in my side is a constant reminder of what others have here, and of what I will have to wait for, perhaps for a long time. It's the waiting that's the hardest. But the intrigue, the pull in my heart makes it a little more bearable. Perhaps somewhere in Ohio, someone's story really is ending. But mine, mine is still in the ground, slowly pushing it's way through the dirt, knowing that somewhere there will be sunshine. I'm pushing up toward the light. My story isn't over. It only has a little way yet to go before it breaks through the soil into blinding daylight. My story is soon to begin.

No, I'm not quitting, deleting, or moving this blog.

2006-08-08T14:46:00.000-07:00

But I am very happy to announce that I have finally completed a long and ardurous project: My personal website! Yay!

Ok. Enough of that. Anyway, you can visit it here.

So anyway, I need feedback about how the site looks, feels, works, etc. Give me your input! Leave a comment here, if you so please.

I've got other big news about my summer, but that can wait a couple days.

Abstract

2006-07-14T07:55:00.000-07:00

Well, as a little interlude, here's a couple things to entertain you.

First, if your summer is getting boring, then this could easily fill up a few hours.

Second, I just saw this band live, and was blown away. The writer and lead singer is only seventeen and yet he writes like a pro. Take a look!

Save money my foot!

2006-07-03T09:04:00.000-07:00

Well, I should have posted this quite a while back, but life just gets to busy. So the big news:

First, I got me one of these (except that mine is a beige tint):

Ford Focus, originally uploaded by Tolkien Guy.

And then, I got me this fella right there:

Originally uploaded by Tolkien Guy.

Yeah, it makes me feel really cool. It also makes me feel really poor, as neither are cheap items. But, I needed both, so I feel it was a good investment. What do you, my readers think?

A Penny For Your Thoughts

2006-06-06T22:44:00.000-07:00

Well, it appears the moment has finally come. The one we've all been waiting for....

...Leigh Nash is going to release her debut solo record. She announces it and discusses it in an interview with CT, which you can read all about here.

A Quote

2006-05-20T23:33:00.000-07:00

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us most. We ask oursleves, "Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and famous?" Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in all of us. And when we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear, our prescence automatically liberates others.
~Nelson Mandela

A Short Rant (or how to throw traditionalism out the window, and still feel good about yourself in the morning)

2006-05-19T22:07:00.000-07:00

Well, I'd make the futile apologies about not putting up enough blog posts, but it would be just that: Futile. So instead of wasting your time on that, I will attempt to eloquently display a rant.
This rant is in direct regard to the discussion (inflametory argument) about dating. My sister and I went to a small seminar for singles tonight about the truth about dating and it's long-lived nemisis, courtship. I knew everything started on the wrong foot for me when I heard him start talking about courtship. After that, we spent most of the evening looking over every detail about how men and women are supposed to act and respond in a relationship.
I don't disagree that culture is going down a road that provides a lot of free love that has great long-term costs. But then again, I cannot, and never will adhere to a form of relationship, even "biblically-based", that is founded on a bunch of reactionary rules.
One of my new passions is the discussion of, and attempt to understand, what it means to live an incarnational life. I talked about it a little in my last post, and I hope it will be something all of you, my fellow bloggers will help me as I try to understand it. But to the point, I firmly believe that incarnational life can readily be used in every area of life. Pretty much to the effect that just as Christ has breathed new life into me, I in turn breathe new life into everything and everyone around me. No, we're not free to live in sin. But yes, we are free to live in Christ, and His goodness. It is for freedom that we have been set free. Our new guide is the Holy Spirit, and if we are truly free in Christ, we are free to pour life into whatever kind of relationship, and allow the Holy Spirit to guide us and convict us. The Holy gets to set the standard now.
Unfortunately, and to my great frustration, we have a tendency as human beings to try to dictate the law for ourselves, and try to act like the Holy Spirit. It's what happens when we take one verse out of the bible and say, 'LOOK! It's in the Bible! If this verse says so, then it must be true and you have to follow it or you're in SIN'! Same idea as Bible thumper. Hitting people with the Holy word of God. Here's some truth for ya! *WHACK*
But living as a new creation, allowing Christ to shine through us, means that we are no longer bound to law, and therefore, we live in the Power of the holy instead. And that's how I want to live when I have a get into a relationship with someone. I want to live in the freedom of Christ, and the guidance of the spirit, rather than creating a nice, small box for all the rules to fit in so that I can have a true, Christian relationship.
Rant over. Really, I wanted to be more eloquent, but I'm so worn out at the end of this week, that you'll just have to salvage the truth that you can out of this disjointed post. But really, what do you, my readers think about this? Perhaps some disagree? Please, let me know!

They Understood the Light

2006-04-14T20:41:00.000-07:00

As a blogger, I've written small bits and pieces about the incarnation in different places, as in comments and emails, or my essay for the Advent Season. It is an idea that is dear to my heart, especially as an artist, for I truly believe that the artist has a special calling to live out the incarnation of Christ in a way that no other vocation can. But as much as I have believed that, I have had an equal confusion about how to understand it's meaning, how to explain it to others, and how to live it out in my own life.
Interestingly, I stumbled upon the answer while talking to my fellow blogger and artist, Tuesday's Child, about pain, of all things. In truth, when I think about Christ and His love for us shown through His life, I don't imagine pain and suffering being part of the root of that knowledge. My tendency is to automatically put a positive twist on the concept, and apply all the happy cliches to His story. However, being the artist that I am, I know that much goodness comes out of much pain. What I have just now started to realize is that all that pain is inalterably tied up with incarnational living, and inevitibly, with my being as an artist.
Truly living an incarnational life means accepting a paradox. It means being content with a fact that doesn't seem to make sense within the bounds of our limited understanding. Many people in Christianity make the mistake of assuming that we as Christians were created to live lives full of joy and happiness, and to always view pain or suffering in a negative light. Christ, however, seems to portray a different idea, one that seems to contradict all that we know to be true about Christianity. It is simply that to truly live incarnationally, we have to grasp the reality of a void.
Void. The empty space where there is no sense, no reality, no presence of God. It is where the ledge where hope and despair perilously seesaw back and forth. In that place, we are left empty and dry, without Christ's love present to quench our thirst for answers. So many people experience this dark night of the soul, where God's very existence seems to be fading into our imaginations. I have been in this place before, and I knew at that point for the first time what life would be without God. In a strange but wonderful way, it brought me to my knees. Perhaps that is why the darkness is there. Perhaps God allows us to find ourselves overcome by darkness, with not even a miniscule hint of light around us, so that we will plead with our entire beings for the light to come back. At that point, even in the midst of pure black darkness, we realize our incredible need for light to be the truth, and to come back to us. It is here, perhaps only here, that we can finally fully comprehend the light. And it is here that when we see light, we realize it's true, incredible poignancy in our lives. It streams through the blackness, blinding and beautiful, in its true form, piercing through the darkness, and the darkness "could not overcome the light". Finally it makes sense. God did not abandon us, for we knew deep within our very souls that once we are made a child of God, we remain a child of God for eternity. Instead, God allowed us to live in darkness for a time. For if we could comprehend the bitter and deadening reality of a void without God, an empty darkness, then we could finally come to understand and embrace the light.

"The earth was formless and void, and darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was moving over the surface of the waters.
Then God said, let there be LIGHT."

This is what we as Christians were meant to cling tightly to. That just as we are made in the image of God, Imagi Deo, just as He commanded light in the darkness, just as he brings beauty to everything and makes all things new, we have the same ability. We are empowered in Christ to walk into the darkness, stare it in the face, and command light into it. That is our purpose, especially as artists. Our entire purpose here on earth is to breath life into the darkness, by creating beauty within it. That is why the artist must suffer the darkess, not because we are made to walk a harder road, but rather because ours is a different calling, a great and beautiful paradox, that though it seems hopeless to walk into the darkness, it is the only way for us to truly grasp the meaning of light, and instill it into the creation that we produce.
Michael Demkowicz said so profoundly that art is "encountering a mystery, and trying to comprehend it". So it is that we as Christians and artists walk boldly forward into the dark, knowing that within this paradox of sadness and grief, there is a reconcilliation of joy that comes in the morning light.
This is easter week, and as I write this, good friday comes to a close. However, its significance in our lives is far greater than we often grasp. Christ's death and resurrection wasn't just to bring about propitiation for our sins, and satisfy the wrath of God. It was in many ways something deeper. It was symbolic of our lives. For just as Christ succombed to death on the cross, a great void came quickly to being, and for those who thought they understood the light, they were plunged deep into the despair of the truest form of darkness, death. But just as God redeems all things, death was not the final answer. For as the stone was rolled away, and the daylight poured forth into the empty tomb, Christ broke through spiritual darkness and death, and poured his redeeming light of love into the void of our hearts. He had allow those three days in between where his loved ones were living in perpetual darkness, so that when the light came, we could finally comprehend it, and see how the mystery unvails itself through that incarnation of Christ.
I encourage all of you as you go out this weekend, remember Christ. Remember your holy calling to be an artist, and to live in Christ's incarnational movements through you. Embrace this mystery, knowing that Christ is the answer to the paradox, and fulfills it, just as He fills the void with His marvelous light. Gloria!

Hi, my name is INFP!

2006-03-29T15:30:00.000-08:00

Hey y'all, this is completely random, but I'm curious. The Meyers Briggs test is the most widely taken personality/career/marriage compatibility test in the world. I've taken it several times, and it is very helpful. I'd be curious, what is your personality type? Want to play? Follow this link, and click on the "Short Test", under the heading "Jung Tests I-E S-N F-T J-P".
Enjoy! And don't forget to post your findings, if you so wish!

Whither the Wheels are Going

2006-03-20T11:01:00.000-08:00

The world gives itself
up to incessant activity
merely because
it knows nothing better.
The inspired man
Works among
its whirring wheels
also; but he knows
whither the wheels
are going
for he has found
the centre
where all is
stillness...

~Paul Brunton

I'm back!

2006-03-15T16:58:00.000-08:00

Hi guys! Sorry it's been so long between posts. Life is so busy, and takes so many twists and turns. Since I last posted here, I've been on two trips, on to L.A., and one to Seattle, WA, both to satisfy my curiosity about colleges there.
To make a long story short, Seattle won. That isn't to say that there aren't many fine things about L.A. But that's irrelevant as the school I've decided to go to is Seattle Pacific University. Though I have little time to elaborate (I'll save that for a later post), I'm really looking forward to attending the aforementioned university. They have some great courses that I'm looking forward to taking part in, along with a beautiful campus in a fabulous city.
I have been to many places in the united states, but in terms of geographical regions, the NW is the one place on the continental US that I've not been very well aquainted with. Now I see how much I was missing out on. I'm afraid if I go up there, I'll never want to come back (which may not be a bad thing!). But we'll see.
For the time being, I will tediously wait for summer, and afterward, my first days in college. I'm trying to get a job at a five-star hotel here in town as a bellman, and I'll find out about that soon. I'm also trying to buy a car, which is a very exciting prospect to me, not just for getting around town, but because it's a lot of fun to get a car for anybody! I'm also trying to solve my computer problem (which is still plaguing me), without spending too much money. Hopefully that will happen soon too. I'm also still doing school, but am approaching my last module, which actually promises to be a cool module. A lot of songwriting, band-directing, etc.
But anyway, I could ramble on all day long. What's going on in the larger world of bloggerdom? Does anyone still perchance visit this blog?!! If you do, leave me a comment! I promise, meatier posts are on their way.

American Idol?

2006-01-26T21:03:00.000-08:00

After a long reprieve, I am...

...Still working off of my brother's computer. Unfortunately, my hard drive was in such bad condition that the technician had to take the hard drive out of the computer and manually remove the data from my HD, and put it on the new one. Oh well. I thought you, the reader, could use another post.
This is an essay I wrote around a year ago, when American Idol season 4 was starting. This is AI season 5, and this essay seems to be relevant to exactly the same thing it was a year ago (besides that, I'm taking the wimpy route of posting old material here!). Anyway, I hope you enjoy it, in all it's unedited glory.

I've been watching the aforementioned show lately, as a way of wasting time. As I watched, I was intrigued by the wide amount of people who came to the auditions. Of course I immediately began forming my favorites out of the contestants, and also my least favorites. I started to subconciously judge them partially on the clothes they wore, the stance they took in front of the judges, the attitude they had, etc. It was a lot of fun.
I enjoy seeing the human nature come to light, even in an American Idol contest. The realization that didn't hit me until later was that I was comparing myself to these people. I put myself in their place and shuffled through thoughts of how I would do things differently than those who came. I think that part of the outworking of the human nature is to glorify one's self into something that just isn't, something that never existed and never will.
In my opinion, the whole idea surrounding American Idol, that the person who wins will be the next American Idol, is backwards in my mind. In my line of thinking, the true American Idol is the very person who you see day to day, the image you are first aware of when you wake up in the morning, or when you look in the mirror. The true American Idol is myself. I worship me, and with the power of me, I can be great too.
In Webster's Dictionary, the definition for idol is:
"One that is adored, often blindly or excessively."
Hey, just as America says, look out for number one. God helps those who help themselves. Our entire thought paradigm is centered around individualistic idealism. We worship the one we know we can trust the most. The reason so many people are delusional performing on American Idol is because they feel the emotion that all humans do when faced with the complexities of life. They imagine themselves stepping out of their own limited bounds, expanding beyond their personal physicality an emotionality. They want to be part of a great cause, beyond their sphere of influence, even if that cause is a selfish cause coming from a desire to have celebrity status. And promoting themselves seems to them the only way to find that comfort. Everyone fights for the right to be free of the self that confines them, so they try to expand it by inflating their actual capacity for their own respective lives. In taking on this mindset, they ultimately will fall, and be disappointed. It is difficult to say in some respects that people stand united. Not because of the bitter differences that humans display in opinions on social issues, or even in religion. The reason people no longer stand united is that when we promote individualism, the culture falls to ruin. When there is no reason to stand up for each other, then we fall into our own selfish worlds, and the rights of "me" trump the rights of everyone. And with that kind of thinking there can only be bitterness and division.
I don't exactly know what to tell someone who is caught up in that mindset. I certainly can't say that being loyal to the people as a whole has always paid off, completely. I mean, this is a fallen world. People aren't perfect. But God isn't looking for perfect people. He's looking for willing people. I'd change the previously mentioned statement above to, "God helps those who cannot help themselves, through those who can, and choose to give it to others." Kind of complicated, but the idea is that humans were never meant to be self-sustaining creatures. We were created to accomplish great things, but only through the channel of other people.
If we could learn the gist of giving, we could reap the benifits of receiving the rewards of being part of something bigger than ourselves.
We can't be bigger than we are by our own merit, but we can through changing others. That is what brings expanse to the next level in truth. Only then will we be content to be who we are. Only then will we be on the track to find our identity. Hopefully we can look to each other to bring a blessing, and give the only thing we really have to give, ourselves.

I'm Posting From a Windows Computer (heresy!)

2006-01-07T23:57:00.000-08:00

Yes, it's true. My beloved Apple Macintosh laptop has been rushed into the computer "emergency room" for last minute hard drive surgery. It appears that something terrible has happened to it. I started to get a clue about it when the upper right-hand corner of my keyboard started humming/buzzing/vibrating.

I am hopeful that I will be back blogging in the next week and a half, though with computer "repair", you never can tell. But I promise, I haven't given up blogging or anything like that!

Crossroads

2005-12-24T00:17:00.000-08:00

Hey, all of you who visit this blog might be interested to know I have started another blog, or rather journal in this case, on the other side of bloggerdom universe (were you surprised in the least that I've started ANOTHER blog?!!).
The entry post will be self explanatory enough. Check it out!
Here it is.

A Second Interlude

2005-12-23T00:37:00.000-08:00

"Those who believe they believe in God but without passion in the heart, without anguish of mind, without uncertainty, without doubt, and even at times without despair, believe only in the idea of God, and not in God himself."
-Madeleine L'Engle

Here With Us

2005-12-22T23:02:00.000-08:00

I have written an essay, in an effort to keep up with the spirit of Christmas. I suppose this is a little late in the season to be posting, but then again, when better to be reminded about the truth of Christmas than in the final week of Advent? I Hope that from this lumbering, stumbling conglomeration of words you, the reader, will find some spark of truth. Here goes...

...Throughout my life, as I look back on the holiday of Christmas, I have a warm feeling in my heart, from so many wonderful memories of traditions that my family took part in. Christmas has for some reason always been the most important of all holidays to me. I haven't always been able to explain it, but it is almost as if Christmas were the holiday that all the others pointed to. Whenever Christmas came, I felt a tingling in my soul, as if by some divine act, my soul had been lit on fire. When I was young, I couldn't explain it, but I relished it with all my heart. I loved it dearly and wished for it at all times.
As I have grown older, that feeling that so fulfilled me before has begun to fade. It is like when a light bulb begins to go out, and the coil inside grows so dim that you can look at it without burning your eyes. It hasn't been an extremely conscious thing, but rather a subtle act that snuck up and caught me by surprise. At least now I know what it was. I understand that the joy I felt came from Christ, and even in my little child way, I knew it was more important than anything else. I know now that Christ is still central to Christmas, but it has been a long while since I understood why. The answer that I have found seems to lie in one place: Immanuel.
Immanuel means in ancient hebrew, 'God with us'. It has been applied to Christ for almost all of history since. But there is another aspect within God with us, that we have all but lost in recent years. God wasn't just with all the people from ages past, who knew that divine spark, but He is now with us, through the mystery of the incarnation. Because Christ became incarnate and present among His people, they knew Him in a new and accessible way. God was present with them, and He walked with them, on the earth as one of them. Christ of course is no longer physically present as a man. But through His sacrifice, and through His incarnation, He is present with us in spirit, and through His spirit, is transforming us. We are in a constant state of transformation, just as the incarnate Christ is in a constant state of renewing us. We can't leave the idea of Christ behind, as if it were a good memory, we must take it up and bring it to life, again and again and again.
Only then can we truly understand the incredible beauty of immanuel, that God is no longer separate from man, but through a love greater than our flimsy, small-minded ideals could conjure, He has become incarnate, here with us. We should never fool ourselves into thinking that it was one time event in history that we look back on with sentimentality. No, we need immanuel more now than we ever have. Perhaps we have been able to veil our need with better skill, but underneath the stubborn facade, our hearts still cry out for immanuel. We still rely solely on the mystery of the incarnation, that Christ wasn't once, but rather He is always, and continues to incarnate Himself in the hearts of His people to transform them into all that they can be. We will never be able to fully understand the mystery of the incarnation, but we are able to see clearly the love that is and always will be within us. For Christ was not only a man who lived for 30 years and paid the ultimate sacrifice. He is the incarnation, the coming, and He will come again someday. That day will be the final and most glorious incarnation, when we finally will be present with Him, and He with us, and all of the anguish and sorrow and struggles that we have endured will be completed by the everlasting presence of His love.
Throughout this Christmas season, we should bring to light that in the same way that we remember and look back to that glorious night two thousand years ago by celebrating it through Christmas, Christ is also here in the present, continuing to bring light to the darkness, and hope to the hopeless.
That joy, which I almost lost, I have found again, and now understand in a full way what it means when I feel that surge of energy within me, that I knew so well as a child. I hope and pray that you may find it too, and learn to live within the beauty of the incarnate Christ, now at Christmas, and throughout the year.
I wish you all a happy Christmas, and a happy new year!

I Am Eucharisto, Hear Me Sing!

2005-12-06T22:09:00.000-08:00

I've finally figured out how to get my music online! For those of you who have heard either small portions of my music, or haven't heard any at all, you can now visit my new music site here, and decide for yourself whether or not I have anything interesting to sing about. Hopefully you will find something interesting!

I've posted a basic track I recorded a while back, hopefully some new stuff will be coming soon!

Again, just in case you missed it above, you can visit the site

here.

MasterWorks in Color (Mostly)

2005-11-25T13:48:00.000-08:00

For those of you interested in seeing pictures set to the words I wrote about my summer in this post, you can now see some pics on this blog. Hope you enjoy them!

Bring out the Turkey!

2005-11-21T21:29:00.000-08:00

I'm saved!!! Thanksgiving break is here.

No, actually, I'm kind of bored. But oh well. Thanksgiving's going to be a blast. We're going to throw a thanksgiving night party and do a lord of the rings marathon, especially for one special individual who has NEVER SEEN THE MOVIES!!! (Is it even possible?) Anyway, we'll probably stay up really late and all get sick, and then I will be bored AND sick. But the marathon (and food and drink that goes along with it) will have been worth it.

On another subject, has anyone bought tickets yet for December 9th? We've got them for 12:01 AM, everyone here is really excited. (BTW, for those of you staring at the date, "December 9th", it's the opening date for 'The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. If you have no idea what that is, get off your computer, go outside, and get a life.:) For those of you who do, though, don't forget to get your tickets.

OK, moving on. I had a great birthday deep in the Mountains of Colorado, in the quaint skiing town of Breckenridge. We had a relaxing day, and at the end of it, I had my first fondue experience. Sounds like a ninja move gone bad, but tastes like heaven. It was awesome! Besides the food part, the experience part of it was incredible, everyone should try a fondue sometime in their life, It's delectible (especially the white/dark mixed chocolate fondue part at the last. Now that's incredible, or I don't know the meaning of the word).

I also got a few gifts, one of which was a CD. And a really good one at that. I've posted a short review of it on MereImage, I'll leave it to you to go and look it up yourself.

Anyway, I probably won't post again for some time, so I wish all of you a sincerely happy thanksgiving, and hope that you are truly blessed by this festive season (how's that for cliche-drenched tidings?!!). I wish you all a goodnight.

Post Script:
I found this via this blog. I won't tell you what it is, you have to go there and find out yourself! I guarantee you won't be disappointed.

Post Script Following the First Post Script:
I've posted on St. John of the Cross blog again! See it here. Also, new photos coming at Animadverto! Keep a sharp eye out!

Douglas Gresham Speaks!

2005-11-02T18:52:00.000-08:00

Yes, it's true, finally we get an inside look into Narnia, and it's creator, C.S. Lewis, through the eyes of his stepson, the aforementioned Douglas Gresham. In an exclusive interview with Christianity Today columnist Mark Morning, Gresham relates his early life with Lewis, or "Jack", as he was better known to his friends. The interview is divided into two parts; in the first, Gresham talks about C.S. Lewis' private life, and gives a new angle on how Lewis really lived. In second, Gresham talks about his experience of working with Walden Media and the cast and crew of the upcoming film, 'The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe'. Another inside look on how he helped to preserve Lewis' original vision of the books.
You can read the first

here,

And the second

here.

Enjoy!

Feeling Serenity

2005-10-22T22:43:00.000-07:00

Thought I'd drop by my blog for a moment to give an update of my life, though nothing too significant is happening these days.
I've been ever so busy with school, but still enjoying it immensly. We've just about finished up our midterms, which makes me very happy. I can now have another 4 weeks of peace before finals hit me. Anyway, we're learning a lot, and the 'professors' are very intellegent, spiritual, and driven by a passion for worship of God. I'm lovin' it!
I saw the movie, 'Serenity' today. Not bad for a space western, and had some interesting theological aspects to it, but in terms of cinematography and CG, failed to impress me as much as like Star Wars. Overall, I would rate it pretty good, though I had some difficulty getting into the story, I enjoyed it thoroughly by the end.
Anway, other news, I cannot think of at this moment. Maybe later. For now, I must sleep, as my mind tries to stay awake and my body tries to fall asleep. My body happens to be winning at this point in time.

The Summer I Came Alive

2005-10-14T18:19:00.000-07:00

I've just returned from reading about my good friend Foolish Knight's summer, and just reading it brought back fond memories of good times with him and his sister. It has inspired me to write about my summer, along with the fact that I know some of my faithful readers have been patiently waiting for me to give an account of it for a very long time. So here goes...

...It all began with my graduation. It happened on a beautiful week in May. It was a great week for graduating, and everything went off without a hitch, so to speak. I didn't know it before that week, but my graduation will be something I remember as a profound "starting point" in my life. I partially chose the title for this post from my graduation, along with a few other significant events in my life. Having some of my closest friends around to share in my joy, and having them pray over me and bless me had a profound impact on me. My graduation brought an awakening in me to a new life, starting from that day, as if I had been freed to a new place in my life. It was the perfect launching point for this summer.
I was fortunately able to have my good friends Foolishknight and Midsummer out to celebrate with me, and in return I visited their hometown to celebrate the good Knight's graduation. I was able to come a week early and see the stunningly beautiful state of Oregon close up and personal for the first time ever. To be honest, Portland is now one of my favorite cities in the US, and I was only there for one week! It wasn't that it was a wonderfully Christian or had great community, but there was something deeper that I felt in connection to Portland, deeper than the quaint bookstores and mysterious coffeehouses. I loved the soul of Portland. Maybe it was as much that I got to share it with my close friends as anything, but I'll be taking every chance I get to go to Oregon in the future.
Anyway, to get back to the subject, I shared a wonderful week with the Knight and his family, and have many fond memories of that time. As an added bonus, I re-met some old friends from TN (The Queen and her family!), and came to know them much better, and to find that they are likeminded souls! I will remember that week as a time of happiness and joy.
But all good things must come to an end for a time, that other things may take their place. I barely returned to the beautiful Rocky Mountains before I left again for the ultimate midwest USA experience: Lake Winona, IN...Ok, well maybe not the ultimate, but the quaint town certainly played a part in making my month-long arts adventure. It had programs for Orchestra, Intensive study, theatre and dance. The emphasis was on the classical arts in music and other forms of expression, but the backbone of the whole month was Bach's 'Soli Deo Gloria', all to the glory of God. That idea drove every piece of classical music, every step in a dance, every word from a script. It was a wonderful premise, and I wanted to take part in it. I attended the MasterWorks festival 2005 as a theatre student, returning as an alumni from 2003. That month was an awakening for me, but in a different way than my graduation week was. Where my graduation was a positive, edifying experience, MasterWorks was a challenge and a struggle. As soon as I arrived, we jumped immediately into a full-fledge dramatic production. It had been quite a while since I had last worked in a theatre setting, and it was quite a jolt to start working 10 hours a day, 6 days a week on theatre. Because of a good audition process, I was able to obtain a main role in the play, but had no idea the strain garnering that role would take on my physical condition. I can remember the first week very vividly. The almost 100 degree weather, the 1950's dorms with no real air conditioning, the long tiring days, and the strenuous nights. I can remember standing outside the concert hall at the end of the first week, and contemplating going back home. My spirit was willing, but my flesh was weak, and was making that fact painfully known. I would work from 9:00 AM till 6:30 PM, and then go on to the evening session, whatever it may have been. In my foolishness, I ate terribly (though the food certainly left much to be desired), and I unwisely stayed up till unheard hours of the night (3:30 or 4:00). I quickly learned the lesson of pacing myself.
I was awakened to the diversity of people, and especially the people who stayed in my dorm. I remember being surprised and shocked by the way some of the students lived and spoke and thought. It was a widening time for me, a process of learning to open my heart to people and not hold pre-conceived notions of righteousness. The strain of being responsible for my roll int the play topped it off, and simply added to the stress and worry of my mind.
I think more than anything I learned what it means to stand on God's word, or fall in His grace. I've never had a time where I had to be so solely dependant on God, and it instilled in me a trust that I never had known before. But I didn't only struggle, I was blessed by God with two incredible roommates, who were my arms that held me up when I was discouraged, and who built into my life incredible insight. They were true friends to the fullest meaning of the word. I had incredible times of spiritual experience with my immediate roommate, Crucified 220, and amazing things happened throughout the month, even just in our dorm. He lifted me up spirituallly, and we had some great times of pondering God. I truly am amazed how intricately formed my circle of friends were there, God was really looking out for me. My other roommate, or rather my suitemate, Edgar, was a constant encouragement to me throughout the day as I saw him. He was a good support when I was down, and we had some great discussions and talks. We all added a different dynamic. Me being the singer/songwriter theater guy, Michael being the violin genius, deep-discussions guy, and Edgar being the Aussie, piano genius, pyschology expert guy, we had quite a dynamic between us. I have many fond memories with them, including, but not limited to, stories of black hair dye, italian soda, and dress codes. We had laughs at people clapping between movements, and stuggles with practice and rehearsal, and everything between. It was wonderful to have these friends to share it all with. They brought me into the realization and presence of God. That was the beautiful thing about MasterWorks, how so many diverse people could come together to worship God. And it wasn't just for fellowship. There was the music.
The music is almost indescribable to share with you. It brought so many emotions to me. Maybe it was part of what kept me going, was the tugging on my soul deep down I felt every time I went to a concert. Bach's Brandenberg Concerto No. 4, Devorak's New World Symphony, Beethoven's The Emperor. The incredible glory of it brought tears to my eyes just to revel in it. I was like God was manifesting His Holy Spirit in a glorious anointing in the musicians represented there. We would all drown in our woe during the intense hours of the day, but when night came, the sound could be heard from a far distance from the concert house, resonating with magnificence across the village. It was as if a hundred angels were singing, 'Glory to God in the Highest', all around. It was an experience hard to describe with words, but I'd say it as overwhelming. All around.
And of course the emotions it produced in me were not just those of elation, but also of stirring, with Rachmaninov, a deep bittersweetness with the 3rd movement of the New World, a rallying of patriotism with the Arms Medley and National Anthem, and on and on. The feelings were in all practicality endless.
Of course there was also ballet, and a single, excellent performance from their troupe of Peter and the Wolf. It was enjoyable watching the perfomance, and remembering the story from when I was a small child. And the recitals going on all over the small village, a collection of little shops and stores at the end of the college campus were a unique addition to the whole experience. One wonderful memory is that of visiting the little coffee house at the end of one of the rows of shops. Most nights would find a few students sharing a cup of coffee in celebration of a successful performance. I remember wonderful conversations that would lead to relationship building times, and we would stay until they kicked us out, which was fairly late anyway, as the owners enjoyed having the students in the cafe. I can remember getting raspberry italian sodas, and a friend and I would consistently buy that same drink every time. It was a fun tradition we established, that I will remember every time I walk into a coffee shop from now on.
The stories of late night panic studying, debates over predestination and George Bush, dead car batteries, all-nighters playing ultimate frisbee and rocking out to Jimmy Eat World, buying pizza in gargantuan portions at crazy night hours, watching 'I, Robot' and 'The Phantom of the Opera' six times each over the course of the month, learning to swing dance, and so many other wild and wonderful stories will be present in my memory for years to come. I think when the final weekend came, I was ready for my performance. Not only because I wanted to perform, but because, throughout the month, I had been woken up. I had risen to the occassion, and had decided to boldy step forward into the light. That performance wasn't just a stepping out on the stage, it was a stepping out into the rest of my life with an attitude of boldness and bravery. Finally performing my roll in the play was a symbolism of a launching board for jumping into life, and the experience profoundly impacted me. I was thrilled that my good friends The Queen and The Queen Mum were able to drive up and see me perform. They were able to participate in my experience, which made it all the better for me on the stage. And driving back, because of strange circumstances, I was able to car pool with a friend back towards my home in the Rockies, even though we had to part ways half way through our trip. It's amazing how you can get to know someone on a roadtrip. Along with my sister, who had come to help me drive (and stay awake while doing so!), and my brother, who attended the festival with me, we got to become friends with Russell, a saxaphone player and music composer student. It was a perfect top off of the month, and was incredibe to hear his story of the friends he was visiting, how faithfulness between these friends and his family had spanned decades, and the distance between Melbourne, Australia and Illnois.
I could speak of that mysterious and wonderous month for an endless amount of time, late into the night, but I suppose just as all things must come to an end, I must end my account of MasterWorks, and continue on with my summer. Arriving home, I had just enough time to see my Mom and older sister off to England for a C.S. Lewis conference in Oxford, and my younger sister to TN. It was somewhat difficult having not seen them for 4 weeks, and then seeing them briefly only to watch them leave again, to an England still raw with grief from the 7/7 subway bombings. But God held it all in His hands, and many wonderful and life-altering things happened to them there, and I would not exchange the good things they experienced there to have had them at home. So anyway, with them away, me, my brother, and my dad visited Estes Park, CO, deep in the mountains, where the Gospel Music Association was holding it's annual conference and competition in the Rockies. It was also a good trip for me. Though not as life-changing as MasterWorks, it was very helpful for me to understand the in's and out's of the industry. I was able to get feedback on my songs, which ended up being good feedback. I was thouroughly encouraged, though I know now that my songs require a good bit of editing before they are commercially presentable. But that's ok as it brought me to a new understanding as my role in music, and ministry. Over all, not life-changing, but definitely stretching for my mental and emotial capacity.
I arrived home with the stress of a decision. I had decided I wanted to go to school in the fall, but I had no idea where it was God was trying to lead me. I struggled and strained, and even with some people I respect I argued till my face turned blue. In all practicality, I was striving without purpose, and straining towards a goal that was unatainable at the time, but I still refused to listen. By the time I finally did start listening, it was almost too late. But God is a God of the 11th hour, and He brought me to a school that I have been sincerely blessed by so far. It is a wonderful staff, who are teaching sincerely and accurately, and through a a wonderful church, and I truly believe I will have another tale to weave at the end of this year. But this story must wait, for I am going to far. I suppose I've covered the summer as best I could.
Yes, this summer has been a life-altering time for me, one that opened my eyes, and has helped me come alive. But it has also made me wonder how glorious it is to be a creation, made for purposes beyond my vision, that I would have seen not the full glory of heaven, but simple glimpses of God, those fleeting moments that bring me such incredible assurance that everything in the world is ok, because God has put it in wonderful order. I've never been more grateful to be alive. And to you out there who experienced it with me, and were patient with me, and laughed with me, and partook of my joys, and partook of my sorrows, I say, 'Hat's off to you, my friends. Hat's off!" You have been the ones who have given me clarity to my vision to see well, and for that I will be eternally grateful. For those of you reading this feeling sorrow as a do over being so far away from all of you, remember that Christ will bridge the Gap, and will bring us close spiritually, through grace, and that is an eye opening, life-fulfilling thought indeed!

To depart no more...

2005-09-26T09:10:00.000-07:00

Ok, ok, it's been a really long time since I posted, but I have been busy (classic, huh?!!). I've started attending a one year special course on music performance, and it's taken up a lot of my time, 40 hours a week, to be approximately and more or less exact. So you see why I don't have as much time nowadays.
But excuses aside, I hope to be more..."Faithful" to blogging soon. So please, if anyone still occasionally visits this blog, comment so I can know what is happening in the rest of bloggerdom.

A Capsule Review

2005-08-21T08:19:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I'm becoming somewhat scarce around here, not intentionally, just the way it happens. Hopefully you'll hear more from me soon. I've got some interesting news.
Anyway, I figured I'd give you at least something to read in the in between time, a capsule review! Maybe you'll go out and buy the album I'm recommending.
The Alt Rock band Mae happens to be a personal new favorite and future all-time favorite of mine, I recently bought their recording 'The Everglow', a soaring, anthemic album that crosses a wide expanse of ideas and emotions. The name, Mae, is actually an acronym, meaning Multi-sensory Aesthetic Experience, and that description certainly comes across through their music.
From the very beginning of the album with the prologue and spoken instructions on how to read the lyrical insert, along with the simple but emotional piano riff in the background, to the opening 'We're So Far Away', with it's longing and sparkling piano, to the interesting segway into the main body of songs, the creative minds of the members of Mae start to come alive. On the note of the lyrical insert, it is a small booklet full of artwork to go along with each song, part of the experience that the band provides for the album. The album starts in with 'Someone Else's Arms', a rocking, pulsing anthem to those lost in mediocrity, and it's obvious from that starting song that this band can crank out the radio hits. From the intense 'Suspension', to the emotive 'This Is The Countdown', to the infectious 'Breakdown' (my personal favorite of the radio ready songs on this album), the music flows and builds fascinating thought patterns in our minds while rocking the house at the same time. Almost every song on this album could be released on the radio and probably be successful.
But they go onto prove that they can do more than just rock. The beautiful and longing piano-driven 'The Ocean' shows their talent at writing the pop ballads as much as the alt rock hits, and the harmonious and flowing 'The Sun and The Moon' is a surprise treasure at the end of the album. The end of the album is a recall of the beginning 'Prologue', with 'Epologue' being a final instructions and goodbye from the narrorator, with the same simple piano riff closing the album in the same way it opened it.
Mae brings us through this album an expansive range of emotions and ideas that really stick in the mind. It's obvious the talent this band has, and I wouldn't be surprised to see them years from now, bringing us a musical and lyrical landscape of songs that reach to our very souls.
So anyway, go out and buy this album. I'll try to post sometime soon if I have the time. Leave me a comment, I'd love to hear from you all!

The Reckless Raging Fury

2005-08-03T21:24:00.000-07:00

I thought I'd drop in and post a paragraph or something for any of you out there reading. I'm coming to you from the beautiful (and relentlessly stormy) Estes Park, Colorado, where I've been attending the Gospel Music Association's Academy week-long conference and competition. It's been great, I'm learning so much. It reminds me of living in Nashville, there's something very specific about Nashville that seems very prevelant here, a type of feel, believe it or not.
I just came out of a worship concert with some great artists, including Caedmon's Call, Margaret Becker, Paul Baloche, among others. It was amazing, the music they performed was so that the lyrics pointed to God. It's amazing to see and feel the power of the Holy Spirit working inside us, and to watch God change people's lives, soften hardened hearts, open blind eyes, and heal wounds. This conference has opened the door for the Holy Spirit to impress upon my heart many things that I need to remember. I need to remember that I'm not just another person who lives, eats, works, and dies, I'm a called son of Christ!
Through that, Christ has called me to a higher calling, one that is not temporal, but one that is eternal. I have such an opportunity, such adventure ahead of me, full of darkness, and twisting paths, and refuges and sanctuaries, and dangers and challenges, and deep joy and deep sorrow, but ultimately, one that leads me to the presence of Christ. This is such a reoccuring theme in my life. What a great drama we could live in! What a story the writer could weave, if only we'd yield to Hand to guide us.
It scares me how much I sometimes choose to live in dull safety rather than live in the risky, dangerous life that God has given me the chance to live. It gives me an adrinaline rush just to think of the life I could live. I want to find that abandon, I want to find that release. Of course God never promises safety, in fact, one verse in 2 Timothy says, all who wish to live in Christ Jesus will be persecuted. It shouldn't surprise us when we take that leap, that we get bruises and cuts on the way. When we open our eyes in that way, we also see another overwhelming thing. We are at war. There are legions at battle against us, and so much time has been lost, because so many are blind, but we still have the chance, and the assurance through Christ that we can fight for Him and He will defeat the enemy. There is no promise of security, but that which we find in Christ. That is true security, and if we find our lives in Christ, why should we care about anything else?
I love the way C.S. Lewis paints it in the Chronicles of Narnia, in the discussion between the beavers and the Pevensy children:
'You said he was a lion', one of the children said fearfully.
'Yes indeed,' Mr. Beaver replied, 'the greatest lion of all.'
'But if he is a lion,' Lucy asked hesitantly, 'Is he...a safe lion?'
'No, he is certainly not safe. But he is GOOD.'
I hope and pray for myself and for all of us that we would lose our security, lose our safety, and submit ourselves to what Rich Mullins calls 'the reckless, raging fury that they call the love of God.'
Peace of Christ to all of you, and goodnight!

Chapter 3: Redemption in the Landscape

2005-07-27T20:02:00.000-07:00

Finally! It's come time for chapter 3. You probably thought it would never come, well it's here, and you finally have a meaty post to break down.
This post confounded me a bit, because, as much as I searched, I couldn't think of a song that represented the incredible experience of salvation for me. It took me quite a while, and I almost opted for a lesser song, but after searching for a while, I remembered the song, titled quite appropriately, 'Redemption', by Jars Of Clay. In some respects, it gives meaning to what the journey to salvation looks like for many, and I related to it in a strong way.
But I'll let the song speak for itself. Maybe it will speak to you like it did to me.

We made it to a strange town
Going down the wrong road
Like any story retold
Couldn't find a common ending
We're way gone, be gone, looking for our own way

We needed a distraction
You said you were redemption

I was simply a wanderer, a nomad, wanting to live in the world, but not feeling part of it, and not understanding why. Best I could do was wander from place to place, looking for shelter from the weather. I never really felt like I was going the right way, there was never closure. Every time I got somewhere, I found the need to move on soon after. I had no place to call my own, but when I would arrive somewhere, I'd always feel the need to find something else.
Then came the stranger, though in some ways, it felt as if I'd known Him all along. It was someone to talk to, someone to share my troubles with. I didn't even know who He was. I was soon to find out.

We knew it as a wrong turn
We couldn't know the things we'd gain
When we reach the other border
We look out way down past the road we came from

I knew I wasn't heading in the right way, but what could I do? I had nowhere else to go. There wasn't really a way to say I'd gained ground, or had discovered any answers, if anything, I just circled back to my own original questions. I was lost with no way of getting on the right road again, and not only was I lost, I didn't know if I cared anymore. The stranger just listened with quiet understanding, and I felt more and more at ease sharing with Him.

We were looking out past the road we came from

Looking at redemption
Hidden in the landscape
Of loss and love and fire and rain
Never would have come this way
Looking for redemption
In the eyes of sorrow, eyes of rage
What a sordid histories they played
The drama of redemption
Redemption

Soon, I began to look past my shoulder, and to my amazement, I found that I was on the right road, and had been so ever since I'd met this stranger. In fact, He was no longer a stranger. He was a friend. And I knew Him well. It is amazing to think how subtle salvation can be at times. It shows itself much better in retrospect than in immediacy. I never knew my salvation was at hand the entire time. But when I looked back on the ground we had covered, I saw the ways that I had been with my savior all along, that I was safe, and that those times of rain and storm, and the struggle to survive were all part of a greater plan, one that is still being unravled. The strangers on the road were simply my audience, witnesses to the play that my life is to be. It is like a great drama, every part of it with a different story to tell. Salvation is not one moment, it is a lifetime. Every scene is new and uncertain, every event a new twist to the story, but the ending is sure, that love will redeem us, and our stories will be fulfilled by the playright, who with great genius has written a masterpiece in each of us, a tale of His redemption.

Comings and Goings, Second Time Around

2005-07-26T21:48:00.000-07:00

I know I keep promising to tell all of you about MasterWorks, and my experience there, and I really want to share with you what a great time I had there, but to write that would take so long, and as the title of this post explains, I'm slightly busy right now.
I do, however, have news. There is a good possibility that I will be attending This course over the next ten months. I'm jumping into this rather quickly, and feel somewhat unprepared. Hopefully, I'll be ready for it, if it's the right choice, by Sept., when it starts. Anyway, keep me in your prayers.
That's my bit of news for now. I'll be taking a week trip up to Estes Park on Sun., be back at the end of the week. I'm going for This, just to get the experience. Hopefully it will be fun. I'll update all of you at the end of my time there, and maybe I'll be able to put in a bit about MasterWorks!

Windows?

2005-07-19T12:26:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone, I'm back! Can't stay but for a moment, but It's been a while since I've left you, the reader, with anything remotely interesting to read. So here's a tidbit, something that's been on my mind of late:
I am never so frustrated at anyone or anything as when I am working with a Windows computer. A more exasperating, infuriating, gloriously complex piece of machinery I've never seen.
There you have it, folks.

Busy!

2005-07-01T15:29:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone! I'm alive! And very busy. I wanted to see if I could get a quick post in before I had to go off and eat dinner.
Everything's going great here at MasterWorks, much interesting stuff going on all around. We in the theatre program are working on Anne Of Green Gables for our main play, and will be performing it two weeks from today.
I suppose this post is as much a prayer request as it is an update, as I'm so busy that I'm actually falling two weeks behind in somethings (like work study for Scholarships!). The schedule that I'm on in the theatre is so tight that I've not had time to work on other things, and didn't exactly help the situation when I asked my director for a bit of time off.
Please keep me in your prayers as I have 24 hours of work study to do in the next 2 weeks, and only a few hours currently free.
Anyway, beyond that, it's been great, and I'm learning a lot. Someday I'll start blogging again (novel thought!), and give you all a full update about my time here.
Gotta get outa here, dinner time!

Awesome Stories

2005-06-16T20:16:00.000-07:00

Just as a last thought before I go to camp, everyone should also read anything by Francis Schaeffer. If you haven't yet, you're missing out on an incredible experience. Please, go and treat yourself to one of his books, you won't be sorry.
Best books of his to read:
The God Who is There
He Is There And He Is Not Silent
Escape From Reason
How Should We Then Live?
Another thing: Check out this blog. The administrator has a really cool story going on, everyone should read it.
Gotta go, lots of stuff to get done before we leave at 5:00 tomorrow!

More Comings and Goings...

2005-06-15T21:21:00.000-07:00

This is a post to dispell the rumor that, quote, I've moved into the 'No Posting Zone'. I'm still posting, I really am, I've got some great stuff for all of you to read, I just don't have time at this exact moment to put it all up on the blog.
Actually, I'll be gone for a month, attending a 'Festival' (more like a camp) for Christian students in the arts (Orchestra, Dance, Opera and Theatre). I'll be doing the theatre program, which I also did back in 2003. It was a lot of fun, and this time my brother's coming along. Actually, this time around, I'm a bit late on getting monologues and songs ready, I went into somewhat of a panic a couple days ago, and rushed all over town trying to find sheet music to a certain song (which I'll tell you, was exceedingly hard for what was supposed to be a simple arrend!), and memorize two monologues. All that to say, I still have two monologues to perfect, and we start performing them on Monday. Hopefully I'll have them completed and ready to perform by then! Your prayers are appreciated. I'll keep you posted about my time there.
Anyway, I don't have much more to say. If you have something to say, by all means, post it below. Otherwise, I leave you with two thoughts. The first is, everyone should go out and buy Coldplay's X & Y. It's really cool. The second is a quote:

"Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination."
Oscar Wilde

As a finishing thought, this is a thought that should drive us all to push beyond our means and live in the realm of risk. It's also the realm of faith, where the best of things happen if we take that first step.

One And Make Poverty History

2005-05-19T08:53:00.000-07:00

If you have visited this blog in the last month, you can see that I made a couple temporary template changes. One in the top right corner, and one in my sidebar, if you scroll down a bit. These are links to a campaign that is working toward, well, making poverty history. It also involves a number of other social issues you can look at on the sites. Make Poverty History is the UK organisation, and The One Campaign is the USA organisation. Choose accordingly, but please visit these sites, at least just to be educated on the issues going on right now.

Chapter Two: In My Place

2005-05-14T21:06:00.000-07:00

I suppose I've let a bit of time pass between chapters, but this might take a while for me to have a complete story, so you'll just have to sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride. A side note, I'm working on a title for my story, I hope to have one up soon for you to view.

In My Place
Moving on with the song of a life, I've moved to chapter two, which enters my actual life. I've come into the world with much hope and joy, feeling the newness of life and refreshment of the world.
And that's where it stops. The good feelings gone, reality starts to kick in, and I see and learn what we do with this mess we've made of life. My second song comes from a personal favourite band of mine, Coldplay, who seem to have a knack for taking the words right out of my mouth. This next song conveys exactly what I've wanted to say.

In my place, In my place
Were lines that I couldn't change
I was lost, oh yeah

I was lost, I was lost
Crossed lines I shouldn't have crossed
I was lost, oh yeah

In my place were lines that I couldn't change. Hmm. Isn't it true that it seems that I landed (or rather fallen rather painfully) in this world, in a country not of my own choosing, with a family I had no say over, and the circumstances that are beyond my reach. Lines had been set that I couldn't move outside of, I could only move forward. And when I moved forward, often times I made a wrong step and fell. I tried to step outside the bounds set for me, and I was knocked down into the dust, face flat, dazed and wondering why. I fell into this mortal, fallen hole of a world, and it left me dazed and confused.

Yeah, how long must you
Wait for it
Yeah, how long must you
Pay for it
Yeah, how long must you
Wait for it

The beauty that I once beheld at the beginning of my life had faded away, and I had fallen to the ground, hurt, bruised, and with no one to help me stand up. How long do I have to stay in this place, to wait for something to change, for someone to pick us up? Has someone out there come to my rescue? Are they trying to pay my ransom? Have they waited long to see me come to them? I didn't have a clue, I just knew I was cold, and couldn't save myself, I didn't hold much hope for the future.

I was scared, I was scared
Tired and underprepared
But I wait for it

And if you go, if you go
And leave me down here on my own
Then I'll wait for you

I fell to this place, broken and wounded. I was scared, I didn't know what to do, I had no direction. I only hoped that the faint voice I could hear in the distance would call out to me. It was that faint, still, small voice that caught my attention in the beginning, and it would draw me closer and closer to the answer. I feared abandoment, and I knew nothing else to do but to wait for a rescue.

Singing please, please, please
Come back and sing to me
To me, me
Come on and sing it out,
Now, now
Come on and sing it out,
To me, me
Come back and sing

I love the yearning in this last little bit, it is so true, I begged that love I once felt to come back, I cried out, I wanted to hear that voice again, to bring me back into his arms of love, where I could find peace and safety from danger. I pleaded with the voice to call out to me through the darkness. At this point, I didn't truly know who I was straining to find, but I knew that whoever it was, it was more worth finding than anything in this world. And so I kept searching and calling out, hoping that one day there would be an answer, dying to find a foothold, or a place I could hold onto, pleading for someone to come. Slowly I was slipping from the tedious place I was on this cliff, and would have perished over the edge quickly. I begged for mercy.
And thank God it came.

An Interlude

2005-05-01T11:51:00.000-07:00

"The things that will destroy us are: politics without principle; pleasure without conscience; wealth without work; knowledge without character; business without morality; science without humanity; and worship without sacrifice."
Mahatma Gandhi

Chapter One: My Story, My Anthem

2005-04-26T11:08:00.000-07:00

Well, I never posted my 'Anthem Songs', intentionally actually, because I intended to commit an entire post to them. Actually several posts. There are actually so many songs that represent me, that I couldn't write them all down here. I want to do this in story form, as if these songs are the saga that I want to represent my life. For the next couple weeks, I will be presenting songs that are my anthems, the story that is my life and that I wish to tell. If you'll bear with me, we'll see some incredible works of art. I hope that made sense, but if not, just read on.

Lead Me On
It's interesting that the very song that I would first pick as one of my anthem songs would be a Christian song, from the Christian industry, an industry I have often railed against, and then beyond that, to come from Amy Grant, of all people! But I chose this song for a good reason, and that is because it is one of the most profound songs I've ever heard. It is the prologue to my story, it sets up the passions and dreams that come from my story. When you look close at this song, you begin to see the unraveling. Look at the way it is set up:

Shoulder to the wheel
For someone else's selfish gain
Here there is no choosing
Working the clay
Wearing their anger like a ball and chain.

Fire in the field
Underneath a blazing sun
But soon the sun was faded
And freedom was a song
I heard them singing when the day was done
Singing to the holy One.

The slaves in the southern states, having no freedom, being chained to the hypocrisy of man, were treated with cruelty and malice. They were weighed down with the grief of oppression, sickness, hunger. But through it all, they sang their songs to the only one who could understand their plight, and they cried out to God for salvation.

Waiting for the train
Labelled with a golden star
Heavy hearted boarding
Whispers in the dark
"Where are we going--is it very far?"

Bitter cold terrain
Echoes of a slamming door
In chambers made for sleeping, forever
Voices like thunder in a mighty roar
Crying to the Lord.

Haunting images of the holocaust, the horrors done to men by other men, the depths of degeneration of the human spirit, could not be understood. Chilling, to think of the mighty voices silenced forever by the 'Chambers made for sleeping'.

Man hurts man
Time and time, time again
And we drown in the wake of our power
Somebody tell me why.

The people saw through it, that man had no glory, man has no esteem, man destroys man, there is no honor in our individualism, our humanism, no matter the situation, man will turn to the bad. The people suffered the result of man glorifying himself. There was no honor there. There had to be another answer.

Lead me on
Lead me on
To a place where the river runs
Into your keeping, oh.

Lead me on
Lead me on
The awaited deliverance
Comforts the seeking...lead on.

Finally, an answer is made. A response is found. We should not lower ourselves to the degenerate actions of man. Let us cry to God, who is the only one who gives us freedom from the chains we wear of our own sin and fallen spirits.
That is the beginning of my story. I establish this as my basis. I will not be content with what man has to offer me. I will not stand here and watch the actions of individuals who have no love or respect for their fellow man. I will fight against it with my entire being, and lean on the only support that is solid. This is my cry to God, our only deliverer. Lead me on!

Rejoice!

2005-04-21T23:23:00.000-07:00

Rejoice! For a new day has come! Though the darkness lingers, the night no longer lives in power. The sun is coming! Live in the glory of the coming of the son, it shall be your salvation.

I write this spontaneously as inspiration visits my doorstep. Of course, ironically, I'm writing this at 12:30 at night, but that makes it all the more meaningful for me right now. It doesn't have much relevance to much, but it does have relevance to the greater part of our lives. I would generally put this kind of thing on graceofstjohn blog, but it seemed right that this should be here. I hope it is a light of sorts for those who need it.

Paste

2005-04-11T08:49:00.000-07:00

I just ran across a really cool page on Paste Magazine's website, where there's a bunch of mp3's, all of them offered for free. They've got some great music, don't forget to check it out.
Look especially at 'The Lost Dogs' and 'Over the Rhine'. Both great bands.

Snow

2005-04-10T08:47:00.000-07:00

I just looked out the window to outside. It's snowing, winds are blowing at above 25 mph in some places, and where we live, this storm's supposedly going to drop 2 1/2 feet of snow on us.
All I gotta say is I'm reeaally sick of this winter.

Wojtyla

2005-04-02T22:54:00.000-08:00

Today, one of the greatest, most influential men of our century, Pope John Paul II, passed on to meet his creator.

Many today remember him and his life-long legacy of faith, the fight for freedom for all people, and influence from the greatest leader to the smallest child.

John Michael talbot has some encouraging words in reflection of Karol Wojtyla's dynamic life.

Read them here.

Anthem

2005-03-24T20:07:00.000-08:00

My good friend Foolish Knight, who you can visit here, recently held a 'Desert Island' poll, in which he asked people to pick three of their favorite books, movies, and music albums.
An idea came to me today and I thought I'd do something along the same lines, although in a different way. I'd be curious to know what you, my reader, consider your life anthem song to be. What do you consider to be the song that represents you? What song (or songs, if you so wish) gives meaning to your life?
Instead of giving you a test and telling you the answer (i.e. You're a Golden Retriever! You're warm, energetic and helpful!), I'm going to let you represent yourself.
If this goes well, I might try it in several catagories.
Have fun, and post often!

Movies 2004

2005-03-22T09:25:00.000-08:00

For those interested, Christianity Today has posted their
Top Ten Favorite Films 2004
And
Top Ten Most Redeeming Films 2004
Lists for last year.
Comments are welcome, share your opinions!

Oh

2005-03-18T22:42:00.000-08:00

And in other news, I'm considering getting an electric guitar. I need it so I can play guitar directly into my recording software. It might be a better sound quality. Anyway, I'll keep you posted.

Unforgettable

2005-03-18T22:31:00.000-08:00

I know that my money would probably be put to better use elsewhere, but I just can't help myself when it comes to U2. I'm currently trying to build my U2 collection, and have a long way to go. But I made a small step by purchasing The Unforgettable Fire the other day. As always with U2, I wasn't disappointed.
I'd write a full review, but most of you who read this blog are already U2 fanatics and know about it yourself, and besides that, it's really late. So I'll write a capsule review instead. Here it is:
It's really good, excellent as a matter of fact, Bono sings great anthems, and the Edge has cool guitar riffs. Pretty much the same thing I've said about every U2 album. It's more for a collector who wants to understand the U2 sound progression throughout the years, and this is simply the progression between October and The Joshua Tree. Regardless of that though, it still deserves merit by itself as an excellent album.
Standout tracks: Pride (In The Name Of Love), Bad, MLK
So you might enjoy it if you buy it.
Yeah, that's all.

So

2005-03-12T19:13:00.000-08:00

Every so often, I come across something that just blows my mind. Peter Gabriel's masterpiece, So, is such a something. It partially blows my mind that I haven't come across this up till now. It seems that such an incredible piece of art should have come across my line of sight sometime or other. But of course, it could have something to do with the fact that So was recorded in 1986. Actually, 1986 was a great year for finding great albums. Sam (then Leslie) Phillips released her last Christian album, and her greatest up to that point, The Turning. That same year also turned out what has come to be seen as probably the greatest (or at least in the top three greatest) rock albums of all time, The Joshua Tree. It was a year that the music industry started to take a turn towards greatness, even if that greatness turned out to be short-lived. That turn towards greatness was in part pushed on by the brilliancy of Peter Gabriel, and his first true mainstream rock album. It shouted out to the world, and the world listened. Now, almost 20 years later, I'm hearing the echoes of what originally was a mighty call.
I think maybe that the thing about So that makes it so intriguing is it's depth. Many albums that I've listened to numerous times and enjoyed, had an outside layer that drew me in originally because of the superior sound, the emotions of the music. But when I tried reached that point, that was it. It seemed beautiful on the outside, but when I got to the center of the message, there was no substance. It was shallow, with nothing else to give me but a good feeling for a while. And that's why So is so special. It too has an outer shell of music, and I have to say I've rarely come up against such brilliance in rythym and beat. His unique sythesizers work perfectly with the eclectic sounding, syncipated percussion. He has since scored several movies, including Martin Scorcese's The Last Temtation Of Christ, and the recent Rabbit Proof Fence. His musical skills are indeed quite impressive, but the thing that makes So special is that when the polish of the music has been worn away, we find that there is another layer pulling us in, a lyrical layer, filled with incredible metaphores and diverse emotional allusions to our daily lives. It is rare indeed to find a work of art that asks to be explored. We are practically required to take time to think about what Peter Gabriel is saying. None of the answers to his songs are found at first glance, they must be studied and thought about thoroughly, and then, only then, do we begin to develop a concept of the profound thoughts he puts forth. And in the end, it truly pays off to find the answers.
Every song is filled with incredible feelings, and the breadth of emotion is seen throughout the songs, as they flow into each other. The first song is a song that sets the meaning for the album, the song Red Rain. It is about surrender, about losing ourselves, and being found by love. The lyrics speak for themselves, "Just let the red rain splash you/Let the rain fall on your skin/I come to you with defenses down/With the trust of a child".
The next song, Sledgehammer, is a bit of a contradiction to the whole album, as it's basically an intense love song. It still feels right on the album, but in a strange way. Interestingly enough, that song has probably garnered more attention than any other on the album, through it's music video, which is considered by most critics to be the greatest music video of all time.
Next in line, the song Don't Give Up, is where Gabriel starts in on one of his lasting themes of the album. There is hope, even in the darkest of places, and hardest of situations. The song, sung as a duet with Kate Bush, is a beautiful anthem to the power of faith in goodness overcoming evil, and has had a powerful effect on many people's lives.
For the following song, That Voice Again, he does a positional twist, and puts himself in the place of the very individual he was encouraging in the previous song. He expresses the desire to be at unity with love, but is held back by the voices that attack from all sides, at all times. The fear and doubt are close, but so is security and love.
I think that maybe the song Mercy Street, although often overlooked, might be the most intesively poignant, and at the same time, incredibly brilliant song of the entire album. It is the last glorious cry of a broken individual, who looks darkness and despair directly in the eyes, and says, you may beat me, you may break my body, you may defeat every last light in me, but you can never break my spirit. It is what we find at the very center of what makes us human, the intensive truth of goodness, love, and mercy. The allusions to Christianity in this song are also fascinating.
I love the way the song Big Time begins, with a deliberate, "Hi there!". It is a spirit of defiance, almost arrogance, that makes this song so interesting. It almost makes me think of American culture, with everything warped and oversized to our liking. It portrays the modern want to have more, and to experience more, as heard in the line "And I will pray to a big God/As I kneel in the big Church/Big time/I'm on my way to making it big time". Very interesting.
Moving along in the album, we start to see that Gabriel enjoys songs that repeat the lyrics, as witnessed in the songs Red Rain, Big Time,and the next song, We Do What We're Told (Milgram's 37). The song title also is the lyric that is repeated over and over again in the song, until we begin to hear a series of statements, all beginning with one (i.e. One life, One love, etc.). I think that the point of the song is even though we do what we're told, there still are basic things that are true that stay true no matter what we are pressed to do by this world. A very interesting interlude.
The following song is one of the weirdest songs I've ever heard. This Is The Picture (Excellent Birds) doesn't seem to have a meaning right off. And I'm still in the dark about what it means. I'll get back to you when I figure it out. One thing it isn't is boring. It starts with a offset beat, that builds up along with the instruments the entire song to a energetic ending. It's almost as if the whole song is leading up to something, we just never get to find out what. Still fun.
The last song, In Your Eyes, though not the most profound, is probably the most recognizable radio songs by Gabriel. As a matter of fact, I didn't even know it was done by Gabriel to start out with, as the first place I heard it was on Christian radio, on of two covers done by Christian artists of the song. I'm actually glad that it was Gabriel who wrote it to begin with, because his version is infinitely better than the remakes. It actually reminds me ever so slightly of something Phil Collins might have done. But as always, the writing in this song is much better than anything Collins ever did. It is a song that ends the album with hope, hope in people, hope in love. It in a way ties the whole album together, and everything starts to make sense. It simply goes to show what a masterpiece So is.
So, don't hesitate to go out and buy this album. I did for a long time, I now I regret I didn't get it earlier. It is one of the best albums you'll ever run across, and I can think of almost no better way I could spend musical time than to spend it listening to Peter Gabriel's So.

revise

2005-03-12T19:01:00.000-08:00

I been thinking lately that as I've done so many reviews, I should start to rate the subjects I write of. You know, do a scale of 1 to 5 stars, and then rate the piece of work according to that scale. But I think I've decided against it, for the very reason that really, first off, pretty much the only things I review are things I have incredibly enjoyed, and want you to enjoy as well. So that kind of makes me biased. But also, many times in the past, I've read a review by someone who rated the work in question such and such a rating, and then from that point on, I assumed that person was correct in their assumption. The things I say about the things I review are my opinions, not actual truth, and if I started to rate things, I would probably just end up doing them an injustice. Therefore, you can take my reviews as more of my thoughts as they come to me.

Random thoughts about U2

2005-03-10T22:49:00.000-08:00

I just read a figure from an online U2 source that quoted that the total album sales of the band U2 are in the vicinity of 135 million to 140 million albums worldwide. Signs are good that the total listed above could continue to grow, and could meet or surpass the Beatle's total worldwide album sales, 160 million. I'm guessing that as the album, 'All That You Can't Leave Behind' sold 14 million copies, that Atomic Bomb will do as well or better.
But the real point is that U2's actually got a message worth hearing. In other news recently, Bono was nominated for the Nobel prize, for his incredible efforts to bring an end to poverty and AIDs crisis in Africa (I'd love to see him win, but it's unlikely, as he's up against the pope this year). He has been, and continues to be the voice for many trying to find meaning for life, and brings a good message to those willing to hear it. He reaches out to all peoples, bringing divided groups together to change the outlook on many social problems. And besides all that, U2 just does flat out cool music. No one can do it better, or charm a larger audience. Really, it's just really hard to ignore the enormous impact U2 and Bono have had on our world. So, Viva U2!
Visit U2's website here, got some cool stuff.

More Chesterton

2005-03-06T15:18:00.000-08:00

"I don't deny that there should be priests to remind men that they will one day die. I only say it is necessary to have another kind of priests, called poets, actually to remind men that they are not dead yet."
--G.K. Chesterton

Links

2005-03-06T13:51:00.000-08:00

Check out this trailer for the movie, 'Millions', coming out soon. Looks interesting.

Also from apple movie trailers website, a 'Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe' featurette, with Richard Taylor of Weta (Lord of the Rings special effects) commenting on crafting the different characters in the movie.
See that here.

Also, I was browsing through the Relevant Magazine website archives and found this article. I'd be interested to know if anyone agrees or disagrees with the list. Comments are welcome.

This Review Is Long Overdue...

2005-03-04T21:58:00.000-08:00

...Not because I promised to do it in some past post, but because the book, 'The Man Who Was Thursday' deserves mention by all those who've read it and have understood the theological implications in it.
Put quite simply, 'The Man Who Was Thursday' is a masterpiece. A slice of literary genius hidden among many other more popular, but quite mediocre books. It is in my opinion G.K. Chesterton's greatest work, and throughout the pages of the book he wove his being, the essence that defined him.
The book itself is quite short, barely 200 pages, yet in the text he wrote his cry for the continued life of rationality and western Christian thought. It covers ideas and moral issues such as rationality, moral relativism, nihilism, and addresses Christian thoughts such as peace and suffering, God's absolute power in our lives, and much more. And in his fine fashion, he molds all the ideas into one great, exciting, confusing misadventure that charms all who read it.
Interestingly, The Man Who Was Thursday has less to do with a great fantasy like The Lord of the Rings than it does with the movie, It's A Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World. The whole book is one big chase, from beginning to end, and it brings our hero, Gabriel Syme, from England all the way across Europe, and back. It's very fast paced, and it could easily fool the less attentive reader into thinking it's just a long fractured fairy tale. But in reality, G.K. Chesterton wrote into the madcap story the realities of true goodness, the subtlety in the balance between sin and salvation, and the horror of complete evil.
On a side note quickly, this book contains an interesting bit of Chesterton trivia in it. It's kind of a riddle for those who don't know, but the name of the protagonist is Gabriel Syme, which at first glance, seems unimportant. But when looked at closer, we find that in a name dictionary, Gabriel is a variation of Gilbert, and the surname Syme, comes from an old-english word meaning, 'One in the Same', or something to that effect. So what we find as meaning in the hero's name is 'Gilbert, one in the same'. Many take this to mean that this was in some ways a fictional story telling the story of an actual life, that of G.K. Chesterton. It may have been in some ways, an autobiography.
The story begins with our Character coming into a conversation with a poet who lives for anarchy, the ideals of those who wish destruction of all men, and ultimately, themselves. He delves into a conversation that leads to events through which a great conspiracy is unmasked to Syme, and through a turn of events, he himself finds himself secretly taking part as a type of agent for truth in an movement of disorder and false hope. On another side note, it should be mentioned that this book was published in 1906, contemporary with a movement of anarchism, that found it's roots in people such as Nietzsche, through the idealism of nihilism, and eventually materialised in the form of communism, and socialistic order, found only a decade later in Russia.
Syme, in his unique position begins to probe what the order of people he has secretly joined is all about, and in a short while, stumbles into a trail with unexpected twists and turns, that could mean good or evil for him. His trail leads him to many suprises, that open his eyes to the subtleties of truth that lay, awaiting our finding them.
Beyond the small description I've given above of the book, I can't say much. It is the kind of book that if the plotline was revealed, even in part, it would spoil the interesting hand that the book has to play. Hopefully, instead of pouring over this review for ever, you will go to your local library and check out The Man Who Was Thursday, and read it for yourself. It has so many delightful suprises to offer, and if understood in it's entirety, answers many questions that haunt our modern philosophies. If only to aquaint yourself with G.K. Chesterton, by all means read it, for it truely was autobiographical, portraying who Chesterton really was. I consider it one of the great apologetical calls for Christianity, and should be counted among the finest Christian thought has to offer. It truely is a masterpiece.
Postscript:
For many who read it the first time around, it brings up a lot more questions than it answers, and it must be taken as a work almost that must be exegeted to be understood fully. I hope in the future to write a thesis of the ways everything ties in. If you have a question about the book, don't hesitate to post it.

A Post About Me And What's Become Of My 'What Used To Be Quite Interesting, But Now Is Quite Boring' Blog

2005-02-26T22:31:00.000-08:00

Well, I'm finally back! And really glad to be so too (that last sentence was really bad grammar, but I'm sure Lynne Truss would begrudge me one small mistake as it is close to midnight here and I'm about to fall asleep).
Anyway, not to get off the subject, I drove a portion of my family to Kentucky to visit a friend, on Thursday, and then I flew back home from Nashville, where I might actually get some serious work done on my album. I'd love to say that this is the last month I will be having to take extended periods away from posting, but I wouldn't count on it. There might be some MORE trips coming, soon, but hopefully, I'm still going to get a good month or two at home.
It's struck me lately that this blog was started as a way for me to post opinions about life, spirituality, movies, music, books, etc., but as of late, it's become a "Here's what Joel did in the last 24 hours" kind of blog, and really, 24 hours out of my life isn't all that spectacular. Trust me, I should know. So anyway, I'm finally going to start posting reviews again, so keep your eyes out.
Also, I'm not sure what I'm going to be doing with the Eucharisto awards yet, but I'll try to keep you posted on that, too.

P.S.
Keep an eye on my other blogs too. I really am going to update them soon! I promise! (Boredom and neglect are the executioners of any good thing, especially good blogs).

All Comings and Goings...

2005-02-11T21:31:00.000-08:00

well, we have been back almost a week, and I haven't posted up till now. So don't get your hopes up for more posting, at least for another week, as we'll be leaving for TX tomorrow, bright and early. But don't worry, I haven't given up on blogger. This is just our busy season. Keep your eyes out, I haven't given up on Eucharisto Awards yet either.
Anyway, to redeem this post from pointlesness, check out this fascinating poetry/photo blog. It's thought-provoking.
Spider's Last Moment
Back in a week!

New Blogs

2005-01-29T22:30:00.001-08:00

Hey everyone, there are a couple good new blogs you should check out. Of course, there are lots being created every day, but the reason these are special is because they are blogs by the siblings of my good friend, Foolish Knight, who's blog you can check out here.

See the new blogs here, and here.

Also, I probably won't be posting for a week, as I'm off to California on Monday. If I get a chance I'll post and let you know what's going on in L.A. I'll be interviewing at Biola University as well, so I'll try to fill all of you in later.

Postponement

2005-01-27T22:01:00.000-08:00

Well, I know that those of you who submitted entries are weak with anticipation of the nominations (yeah right, lol!). Anyway, I thought I'd let it be know that I've not call the whole thing off, I'm simply postponing it for a week, or maybe two. I'll be leaving for California on Sunday or Monday, and won't be back for a week. Once I get back, I'll try to put them up.

Wow

2005-01-22T23:12:00.000-08:00

I downloaded Mozilla FireFox to my Apple Macintosh computer today. I now have officially three internet browsers installed on my computer. I feel really smart.
(what it probably means is that since virtually everything in computerworld is made for windows, you really have to download three internet browsers to a Mac to get anything done. It's more of a survival thing, I think.)
P.S.
Visit Mozilla here.

Memories Of A Mortal Man

2005-01-17T07:50:00.000-08:00

I've just put the finishing touches on my first real short story. I posted it to my grace of saint john of the cross blog. Thought it would be fun.
see it here.
Hope you enjoy it!

Making Progress

2005-01-15T22:16:00.000-08:00

I just realised I haven't posted about my album since I got the studio up and running. Well, to fill you in, I've recorded three songs, laying down a few basic instrument, MIDI and vocal tracks, and have done a small amount of editing. I don't think I realised how much work this was going to be, just as a one man job, but I'm not going to give up on it. As a matter of fact, I've just taken a break from it for a couple days, and now I feel refreshed to get back in front of the microphone.
Another thing I didn't realise was how much I would begin to not like my songs. I mean sure, I loved them when I first created them, because they were from my own hand! But after you sit in a studio and listen to your songs about fifty times...Well, you get the picture. I'll bet that's the reason most people don't believe in their own writing/songs/films etc., not because other people have voiced bad opinions, but because even singers get sick of music.
Anyway, instead of a couple weeks like I had first planned, it's probably going to be a couple months. But that's good, because I'll have time to perfect it, make it sound professional (as much as an amateur songwriter/studio engineer can!). Looking forward to letting everyone hear my music. Maybe you'll like it better than me, lol!

I've Made A Terrible Mistake!

2005-01-08T22:24:00.000-08:00

Well, it seems that many people are nominating the same person/band/song etc. over and over again. If someone doesn't start giving more varied nominations, some categories are not going to have any challengers. So my new request is for your top three nominations from each category, and please, don't give any single person/band/songwriter more than one spot on each top three list. Thanks, and please, folks, this 'Eucharisto Awards' thing is still in its testing phase, so give me time to perfect it.

The Eucharisto Awards

2005-01-07T08:04:00.000-08:00

Were you, my faithful reader, unhappy with the nominations of the grammy awards? Was there someone who you felt was unfairly left out? Well, despair no more! For the first time in eucharisto history, I have decided to do my own nominations, and you, my faithful reader, shall be on the board that decides. First we shall do a nomination, then we'll move onto the awards ceremony. Know that this envelops all music of any kind, but we shall provide some categories (these will be a bit simpler than the Grammys or Doves, we'll just give a few categories):

1. Best song of the year
Classifications for song of the year would be influence, quality, etc.
2. Best album of the year
Same routine here.
3. Best male performer of the year
I think that one speaks for itself.
4. Best female performer of the year
Again, pretty self explanitory.
5. Best band of the year
The one you thought the greatest.
6. Best producer of the year
The producer who you think has made the biggest difference this year.
7. Best songwriter of the year
Someone who has written at least three excellent songs, and who is, in your opinion, the greatest of 2004.
8. Best film score of the year
Was there one that rose above the rest for you?
9. Best new artist of the year
An artist who released a debut album after Jan. 1, 2004.
10. Best music video of the year
There's a bunch, but which is the best?
11. Best production of the year
This differs from producer in that, this applies to the most creative, high-quality, or profound producing on an album that you have seen in the past year.
12. Most musically influential person of the year
This is the biggie, who is the person who has most shaped the industry and direction of music in 2004?

I will compile all entries, comments and questions at:
eucharistoawards@hotmail.com
All entries must be for people/things that have taken place on or after January 1, 2004. Depending on how many answers I receive, I will post the nominations shortly. The nomination deadline is the 20 of January. After we have nominations, you can vote one more time for the winner of each category. Hope you participate. If this works out, then I might do another ceremony for film, when the academy's roll around. Stay posted.

Dedicated To The New Year

2005-01-01T02:05:00.000-08:00

You only live twice or so it seems
One life for yourself and one for your dreams
You drift through the years and life seems tame
Till one dream appears and love is its name

And love is a stranger who'll beckon you on
Don't think of the danger or the stranger is gone

This dream is for you, so pay the price
Make one dream come true, you only live twice

And love is a stranger who'll beckon you on
Don't think of the danger or the stranger is gone
This dream is for you, so pay the price
Make one dream come true, you only live twice
>Coldplay

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

2004-12-31T23:14:00.000-08:00

It's 14 minutes into the new year, and going good so far! Hope it's goin' good for you!
To cut to the chase,
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

A Series Of Fortunately Good Movies

2004-12-31T17:26:00.000-08:00

I just came back from seeing 'Lemony Snicket's A Series Of Unfortunate Events'. It was really fun and interesting, and extremely well done. If anyone tells you that Jim Carrey over did his part(s) don't believe them. He added a certain twinge that made the movie all the more fun. If you get a chance, go and see it. It's real fun. I also saw 'National Treasure' yesterday. Also a fun movie, though not even close to as good as ASOUE. Not exactly believable, but still a fun action/adventure movie. Anyway, ASOUE is on my list of potential favorite movies, but I'll have to see it again once or twice to say for sure. So go and see it and have yourself a good time!

Earthquake and Tidal Wave Stuff...

2004-12-30T22:32:00.000-08:00

Don't know if anyone knows much about this, but all over the news has been the story of the earthquake in Indonesia, and the tidal waves that followed. Government sources are saying the effects of this earthquake could take more lives and be costlier than any other natural disaster in modern history. It's surely a difficult time for many people over there. But now it would seem is a good time for Christians to show compassion, and to be involved. Even if not in the form of giving, we could keep these countries in our prayers, that God would work in a great way through this situation, and that His servants there will be given strength to do the work that is in front of them. If anyone is interested in learning more or in giving, I've provided some links to Christian organizations who will give good info on the situation there, and if you so choose, provide ways to give. I believe all of these ministries and associations will use all donated funds completely for a relief fund for this catastrophe. Here they are:
World Vision:
Compassion International:
Salvation Army:
Campus Crusade For Christ International:
Billy Graham Association:
Hope this is insightful for this situation. May God bless you all and give you a wonderful, Happy New Year!

Of Derek Webb and Artistical Kingdom Building...

2004-12-29T14:14:00.000-08:00

No, I have not yet bought 'I See Things Upside Down', but this is an interesting article that he wrote for Christian Musician.

I thought it interestingly insightful, but I did read it at 12:00 AM just before I went to bed, so my drowsiness might have altered my opinion. But, it's good for discussion anyway.

2004-12-29T10:01:00.000-08:00

Well, my "studio" is up and running, and starting this week, I go into work on my album. I now have enough of my songs to start recording, so I'll keep you all posted. Anyway, in other news, look for a review on Derek Webb's 'I See Things Upside Down' soon, as I will be buying it very shortly. Also, speaking of reviews, I'm trying to decide whether or not I should make eucharisto a basic news and interesting tidbits blog, and make a new blog for reviews only. If you have a moral conviction about this (or just a simple opinion!) please comment below. Anyway, if I don't post before the new year,
Happy New Year, Everyone!

Maybe a Heatwave for Antarctica...

2004-12-24T23:53:00.000-08:00

...But for Colorado, -16˚F is incredibly cold. And that's what our car thermometer was reporting on the way back home from a friend's house. I think I can safely say that is the coldest temperature I have ever experienced. I think I can also safely say that we will be snowed in soon enough (if not tomorrow). I mean, gosh, TX got like 4-5 inches of snow in the panhandle. That's incredible. That's like having to cool off from the heat in Greenland. Totally weird.

Who Knows The Secret of Earthly Pilgrimage?

2004-12-24T23:51:00.000-08:00

Who indeed knows the secret of the earthly pilgrimage? Who indeed knows why there can be comfort in a world of desolation? Now God be thanked that there is a beloved one who can lift up the heart in suffering, that one can play with a child in the face of such misery. Now God be thanked that the name of a hill is such music, that the name of a river can heal. Aye, even the name of a river that runs no more.
Who indeed knows the secret of the earthly pilgrimage? Who knows why we live, and struggle, and die? Who knows what keeps us living and struggling, while all things break about us? Who knows why the warm flesh of a child is such comfort, when one's own child is lost and cannot be recovered? Wise men write many books, in words too hard to understand. But this, the purpose of our lives, the end of our struggle, is beyond all human wisdom. Oh God, my God, do not Thou forsake me. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil, if Thou are with me....
-'Cry, The Beloved Country', by Alan Paton

Phantom Excellence?

2004-12-23T08:53:00.000-08:00

Ok, I read this article a couple days ago, and am quite suprised at the conclusion to which the reviewer came (notice: no sentence ending with a preposition!). I have not seen 'The Phantom Of The Opera' myself, but I took it for granted that it would be a great movie, especially with all of the hype. Now I'm not so sure. If you've seen this movie, and feel differently, then by all means please post a rebuttle of this article. This is the kind of movie that I would expect people to want to like, just because the loved it so much off screen.
Anyway, thoughts and comments are appreciated.

A Plea

2004-12-21T22:42:00.000-08:00

I came here with the intention of posting, but I couldn't think of anything interesting to say. So I will say nothing else. If you have something interesting to say, by all means, please, say it. Save this post from boredom! Please!

An iTunes iMix of sorts...

2004-12-10T22:21:00.000-08:00

Except that the reason it's not on iTunes is because to have an iTunes iMix, it has to have all the songs in it's store. So here is my iTunes iMix that's not on iTunes. (By the way, I have decided to start doing random lists of the week, like, 'My favourite songs of the week', and that kind of thing. Keep your eyes out for more!). For the name of this list, it would be something along the lines of songs for the deep soul. These are songs that obviously came out of a deep understanding of life, in it's very most deepest part, and almost always with a tangible conviction for love, and sometimes, justice (Calling All Angels). There will be the occasional angst-ridden song, like, 'The River', and the occasional anthemetic song, like, 'Kyrie Eleison'. But these songs are more serious minded songs. Very thought-provoking to listen to. Hope you enjoy.

The River, By Rich Mullins
Frail, By Jars Of Clay
Politik, By Coldplay
Oh Lord, You're Beautiful, By Keith Green
Kyrie Eleison, By Mark Schultz
Love's Divine, By Seal
Where The Streets Have No Name, By U2
River Of Love, By Sam (Leslie) Phillips
Break Me Through, By Bebo Norman
Theme From Harry's Game, By Clannad
Twilight And Shadow, By Howard Shore
Another Day, By Steven Delopoulos
Caanan Bound, By Andrew Peterson
Calling All Angels, By Train
Red Letters, By DC Talk
World's On Fire, By Sarah MacLachlan

This concludes my list (iMix) of deep songs. Now go and listen to the Beach Boys or something to lighten the mood!
(Note: This list is subject to change at the author's discretion!!!)

A Season to Give (or something hokey like that)!

2004-11-29T08:33:00.000-08:00

To all of you who frequent this blog, I wish you a merry thanksgiving and a happy new Christmas (or something like that)!

Yeah, U2 is da bomb!

2004-11-26T22:55:00.000-08:00

I suppose yet again it's too early to say, but I think that How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb is going to be a stellar album. I've only listened to it once through, but as it goes often times with U2, it doesn't take more than one listen to know that U2 has, is, and will continue to be the essential rock group to represent a generation (or two). I'll have more on the song by song later, maybe, but for now, my message is: Get this album! It's awesome!
Oh, and by the way, to all those amazon member's reviews I saw, to those who panned the album, I say: It's too bad you don't understand the history of U2, so that you could see how well this album follows suit to their older stuff. And shame for jumping to conclusions, if you don't know U2, you probably won't understand this album very well, but this is a great fulfillment of their promise to return to their roots, and not only to 'Achtung Baby', and 'The Joshua Tree', but to 'War', and 'The Unforgettable Fire' as well, in great form. Anyway, if you ARE a longtime U2 aficionado, you certainly WON'T be disappointed by this album. On the contrary, it will be sweet music to your ears (and some new refreshing sounds as well, of course).
Ok, now I must really seem long winded. So, without wasting anymore of your time, I hope you got out of this what I meant to elude to you (the reader), which is, HTDAAB is a really good album, and you should get it! Have fun!

Inspired by my good friend Andrew...

2004-11-21T15:28:00.000-08:00

...I have decided (on a whim) to write books I shall be reading in the next few weeks (or months, depending on circumstances). I could give a large commentary on why I picked these books, and what their deeper meanings are, but really, I picked these books by happenstance, and if you really want to know what they're about, read them! So without further ado, here they are:
1. Walden, By Henry David Thoreau
2. Trinity: A Novel Of Ireland, By Leon Uris
3. Orthodoxy, By G.K. Chesterton
4. The Ragamuffin Gospel, By Brennan Manning
5. Letters And Papers From Prison, By Dietrich Bonhoeffer; Note that this book may not still be in print, but you can look for the same book differently titled: Prisoner For God.
6. Great American Short Stories, Compiled and Edited by Wallace and Mary Stegner
7. Telling the Truth; the Gospel as Tragedy, Comedy and Fairy Tale, By Frederick Buechner
8. Something Wicked This Way Comes, By Ray Bradbury
9. Addicted To Mediocrity, By Frankie Schaeffer
10. Quo Vadis, By Henryk Sienkiewicz

Now that I have finished compiling this list, I can see that it's probably going to take longer than a month to finish these books, but I'll keep you updated as I complete a reading.

You Just Can't Beat Dickens...

2004-11-18T19:11:00.000-08:00

When, in the course of human events, a Dickens novel is created into a movie, it garners a small crowd of devoted Dickens fans, who flock to the theatre to see if their glorious book has been honored or ruined in the eyes of the viewing public. In the case of the most recent Dickens translation into film, it does not disappoint. Nicolas Nickleby, a typical (if you could call it that) Dickens novel, was made a film, and I watched it just recently. I thuroughly enjoyed it. When it comes to being literate on Dickens, I am sore lacking, but every time I see a Dickens film, it almost makes me read the book. I think this time, I am convinced. I shall read this book, Nicholas Nickleby. The movie was different than most of his converted works, as this was a theatre release. As so, it was done in a more movie way than a made-for-t.v. way, which meant that the script, the cinematography, and the cast are superior. What suprised me, though, is that those three forementioned virtues in this movie were far superior to those in the average film, and surpassed many well done films.
To start with the cast, you have Nathan Lane, Alan Cumming, Jamie Bell, Christopher Plummer, and many more famous theatre actors. An all-star cast, to be sure, and none of the performances disappoint. Nathan Lane plays his part with eloquence and tact, and shows his ability to act in a vast amount of story types. Christopher Plummer gives the perfect performance for the typical 19th Century Dickens villain, an old wicked man who lives in a dark mansion all alone. And Jamie Bell plays an excellent secondary character, the poor orphan 'Smike', who is the link that brings the chain of the story together. Personally, Smike was my favorite character in the movie, even though in the shadow of Charlie Shunnam, who played the main character part of Nicholas Nickleby. Jamie Bell brought out the darker, sadder elements in the story with incredible insight into the part he played. I predict that Jamie Bell is the up and coming British actor, who we will see as an icon in the movie world in the next few years, maybe following in the steps of Orlando Bloom, though maybe not as popular.
The script is well done, even as they took the best elements of Dickens and added a bit of a modern twinge, without losing the special Dickens touch. In light of the story, it's just as much Martin Chuzzulwit (I probably didn't spell that correctly) as it is a unique storyline. But all of Dickens' works follow a somewhat similar plot, but since his plot lines are so superior to most, all of his works fascinate.
They tie in the cinematography very well, and it fits the story like a hand fits a glove. The storyline is enough to keep any viewer occupied, without the help of good camera shots, but the crew of this movie were very thoughtful when it came to calling the shots. It makes the movie all the more enjoyable to have interesting angles.
From a wide view, this movie is a story of twists and turns, of the dark and the light, of sadness and joy. It brings out the best in the human heart, while letting us see more clearly the evil that we must be aware of and fight. An excellent movie overall, and one that might make it onto my favorite movies list, just maybe. I give it five stars.

A Photo Blog!

2004-11-10T15:24:00.000-08:00

Ok folks, I know I sometimes go a bit overboard, and making too many blogs could be one of those ways, but this is a really cool blog! It's a whole bunch of photos, good ones too, I might add, mostly by me, and some by other friends and family, but it's really cool, so check it out.
animadverto.blogspot.com

Behind The Mountains

2004-11-10T14:21:00.000-08:00

EX000009_2
Originally uploaded by Tolkien Guy.

A beautiful picture of Sarah in the wilds of Colorado.

Ohio

2004-11-09T23:19:00.000-08:00

P0000633
Originally uploaded by Tolkien Guy.

My first thought was of Louisville, KY (I have no idea if I spelled that correctly), and my second of Over the Rhine, the band. Oh, and for giving credit where credit is due, this photo was taken by Nathan, my brother, not me.

Frogprince

2004-11-09T23:00:00.000-08:00

Frogprince
Originally uploaded by Tolkien Guy.

This fellow used to be my nightly visitor. He would sit on the window for hours, and I'd watch him and take pictures.

Happiness is

2004-11-09T22:58:00.000-08:00

Happiness is
Originally uploaded by Tolkien Guy.

Oh she's a happy dog...

Leaves

2004-11-09T22:47:00.000-08:00

P0000394
Originally uploaded by Tolkien Guy.

A reminder of Autumn. Refreshing, such bright colors.

Crystal Cross

2004-11-09T22:41:00.000-08:00

P0000412
Originally uploaded by Tolkien Guy.

This is my first try at blogging a photo. I thought it went rather well with my eucharisto theme.

Update From The So Called "Studio"

2004-11-06T23:13:00.000-08:00

Well, it's kind of hard to say, but this is a very, very rough draft of what my songs on my album MIGHT be like. Not productionwise of course, just in the music and lyrics. These are just 15-20 second clips of my first draft of songs. I'm still working out some bumps in the very first draft, but moving at a steady pace. Remember, for now, just grainy guitar and piano, and almost unitelligible lyrics, but soon, rich and full production, with crystal clear mastering.

Thoughts on a Ragamuffin...

2004-11-04T21:48:00.000-08:00

It's really to early to say, but I think that 'The Ragamuffin Gospel' by Brennan Manning is going to be one of my favourite books. I have been searching for good reading material lately, and have not been in a reading mood for a long spell. I sat down yesterday to read the first chapter, and I was enthralled right there. I haven't experience such honesty from a writer in a long time. He explained the loss of sight in our church in the present age, how we have become saturated with the stories of successful living, health and wealth, and we turn our backs on the 'sinners'. It's an eye opening book to the extent of God's amazing love, or as Rich Mullins called it, a "reckless, raging fury". It blows away the loopholes and red tape in Christianity, and brings those who can see it to their knees. We stare at it in the face, and we are awed. We can only kneel in silence. It should blow us away.
And it should give us more than an experience. It should put a spark in our hearts for seeing the need of the world. The hipocrisy in the Christian Church has been slowly growing, and hearts are steadily turning cold. They don't see Jesus as the radical, status quo shattering leader that he was. They have reduced Him to a Bible story-telling sunday school teacher. The church has become to used to the world, and in doing so, have become foreign to Christ.
If we see Christ in the right context, we see that He is in truth more relevant than anything in this world. The 'reckless raging fury' is like a fire, and when an individual catches that fire, they burn with an intensity so incredible that nothing could stop it. Not the wrong doings of a sinner in a slum of a downtown, not the hating of religion in a dark heart, not even His own church. His grace steps over bounds, and overwhelms everything in its path. And in the end, if we are still alive, we will be so changed that we will be like new creatures. Like fire again, when ore is put into the fire, it flames up, and it melts under the awesome heat that pressurizes it every second. It is completely changed, but when it is finished, the impurities have completely melted away, and the refined metal is what remains. So it should be with all of us who claim Christ as our savior and defender.
Ok, wow, I've gone on a long time about this book, and I've only read the first couple chapters! I may have gotten off of it's subject matter a bit, but the core ideas are the same. I think if we can understand this idea, then we will have a purpose so great, we will never want to look back.

Not over Till The Fat Lady Sings...

2004-11-04T15:56:00.000-08:00

...Or John Kerry concedes. Wow, I have never seen so much buildup, and then a sudden silence. For the past year (or two) everyone has been all excited about the election. People coming out in droves to magnify their political views, politicians more celebrities than hollywood folk. And the Holywood folk grabbing another moment of fame in the spotlight of the campaigns of the candidates. What an uproar! Liberals preaching the need for change, calling the war in Iraq a 'Quagmire', and begging for enviromental needs to be taken care of, for peace to be restored between some european countries, and for a unified world. Conservatives declaring the abortion and other such social issues a wrong, and and asking for change, supporting fully the war in Iraq, and fearing for the morality of our nation. The entire nation calling this the most important election of our generation, and the greatest time to make a stand and be vocal. Everyone taking sides, and an almost battle like feel to the whole country. All this added up to one day, one day!! November 2, the doomsday for many, and we all held our breath for our candidate...And then Dubya won, and everyone went home. The news didn't even give it a second day of interviews and talk shows. It's like everyone's taken a vow of silence, not to speak of anything related to the election. Well, I suppose that we all have to move on, but for the media, that's amazing. It sparks a comparison in my mind to Christmas. For a month everyone stocks up on decor, and gifts, and little jingle bells and holly wreathes. The radio stations play Christmas music nonstop for a month, and we hear the same songs over and over. It's Christmas day, and we all open gifts and eat big breakfasts, and do caroling at night. And then it's December 26. And everyone packs away the Christmas tree and decorations, and throws away the fruitcake. The radio stations go back to playing normal Top 40 songs (thankfully), and everyone looks forward to the next year. The cycle never changes. The human race is truely strange.