A Short Rant (or how to throw traditionalism out the window, and still feel good about yourself in the morning)
Well, I'd make the futile apologies about not putting up enough blog posts, but it would be just that: Futile. So instead of wasting your time on that, I will attempt to eloquently display a rant.
This rant is in direct regard to the discussion (inflametory argument) about dating. My sister and I went to a small seminar for singles tonight about the truth about dating and it's long-lived nemisis, courtship. I knew everything started on the wrong foot for me when I heard him start talking about courtship. After that, we spent most of the evening looking over every detail about how men and women are supposed to act and respond in a relationship.
I don't disagree that culture is going down a road that provides a lot of free love that has great long-term costs. But then again, I cannot, and never will adhere to a form of relationship, even "biblically-based", that is founded on a bunch of reactionary rules.
One of my new passions is the discussion of, and attempt to understand, what it means to live an incarnational life. I talked about it a little in my last post, and I hope it will be something all of you, my fellow bloggers will help me as I try to understand it. But to the point, I firmly believe that incarnational life can readily be used in every area of life. Pretty much to the effect that just as Christ has breathed new life into me, I in turn breathe new life into everything and everyone around me. No, we're not free to live in sin. But yes, we are free to live in Christ, and His goodness. It is for freedom that we have been set free. Our new guide is the Holy Spirit, and if we are truly free in Christ, we are free to pour life into whatever kind of relationship, and allow the Holy Spirit to guide us and convict us. The Holy gets to set the standard now.
Unfortunately, and to my great frustration, we have a tendency as human beings to try to dictate the law for ourselves, and try to act like the Holy Spirit. It's what happens when we take one verse out of the bible and say, 'LOOK! It's in the Bible! If this verse says so, then it must be true and you have to follow it or you're in SIN'! Same idea as Bible thumper. Hitting people with the Holy word of God. Here's some truth for ya! *WHACK*
But living as a new creation, allowing Christ to shine through us, means that we are no longer bound to law, and therefore, we live in the Power of the holy instead. And that's how I want to live when I have a get into a relationship with someone. I want to live in the freedom of Christ, and the guidance of the spirit, rather than creating a nice, small box for all the rules to fit in so that I can have a true, Christian relationship.
Rant over. Really, I wanted to be more eloquent, but I'm so worn out at the end of this week, that you'll just have to salvage the truth that you can out of this disjointed post. But really, what do you, my readers think about this? Perhaps some disagree? Please, let me know!
This rant is in direct regard to the discussion (inflametory argument) about dating. My sister and I went to a small seminar for singles tonight about the truth about dating and it's long-lived nemisis, courtship. I knew everything started on the wrong foot for me when I heard him start talking about courtship. After that, we spent most of the evening looking over every detail about how men and women are supposed to act and respond in a relationship.
I don't disagree that culture is going down a road that provides a lot of free love that has great long-term costs. But then again, I cannot, and never will adhere to a form of relationship, even "biblically-based", that is founded on a bunch of reactionary rules.
One of my new passions is the discussion of, and attempt to understand, what it means to live an incarnational life. I talked about it a little in my last post, and I hope it will be something all of you, my fellow bloggers will help me as I try to understand it. But to the point, I firmly believe that incarnational life can readily be used in every area of life. Pretty much to the effect that just as Christ has breathed new life into me, I in turn breathe new life into everything and everyone around me. No, we're not free to live in sin. But yes, we are free to live in Christ, and His goodness. It is for freedom that we have been set free. Our new guide is the Holy Spirit, and if we are truly free in Christ, we are free to pour life into whatever kind of relationship, and allow the Holy Spirit to guide us and convict us. The Holy gets to set the standard now.
Unfortunately, and to my great frustration, we have a tendency as human beings to try to dictate the law for ourselves, and try to act like the Holy Spirit. It's what happens when we take one verse out of the bible and say, 'LOOK! It's in the Bible! If this verse says so, then it must be true and you have to follow it or you're in SIN'! Same idea as Bible thumper. Hitting people with the Holy word of God. Here's some truth for ya! *WHACK*
But living as a new creation, allowing Christ to shine through us, means that we are no longer bound to law, and therefore, we live in the Power of the holy instead. And that's how I want to live when I have a get into a relationship with someone. I want to live in the freedom of Christ, and the guidance of the spirit, rather than creating a nice, small box for all the rules to fit in so that I can have a true, Christian relationship.
Rant over. Really, I wanted to be more eloquent, but I'm so worn out at the end of this week, that you'll just have to salvage the truth that you can out of this disjointed post. But really, what do you, my readers think about this? Perhaps some disagree? Please, let me know!
posted by Eucharisto at 10:07 PM
6 Comments:
I agree, I think. If what you're saying is that you want to be led in every step by the Holy Sprit then I agree. I also believe, however, that is is essential to have a few "rules" before the relationship begins. What I mean is, both people must have convictions and a clear knowledge of what they want. Is the relationship working towards marriage? Are they going to hold hands or kiss? How specifically do they find it acceptable to spend time together and what situations do they want to avoid (such as being alone together). These are things I think are very important to decide beforehand. Is this what you consider "a box" or are we saying the same thing?
E, I'm gonna throw you a bolt of lighting by saying I agree. I agree without hedging anything. Like you I'm pretty-freakin'-sick of the standard speaker coming on and start ordering everyone to live, and how to date. A lot of the rules they set up are because they're scared of something. Scared of us making our own descions and what not, while they want kids> adults on a conscience-stricken leash. The Bible and Jesus have already laid out the rules and wise sayings. It's Southside Bible camp, where bro. Bell spends the whole week talking about sex. Ugh. Okay, I'm going now.
Here's what I believe: I believe that trying to follow the Word is good; I believe that having accountability is good. I believe a limited number of rules are good. But I don't believe that having zilch "emotional intimacy" (knowing the soul of your future spouse) before marriage is Biblically dictated or wise. On the question of how they would spend time together, I would assume that they would pray about it and let the Holy Spirit guide. I don't think there is one right answer there.
Christians have a tendency to apply moral absolutes to dating and relationships where there are none. It doesn't mean that Christians should therefore go out and do whatever they want to in a relationship, but it does mean that dating and/or courtship can't fit into a nice, comfortable box.
In an example, when we look at Christianity, we do have the revealed mystery of Christ, but there is still unfathomable depths and sides to God we will never understand. There is always a mystery with Christianity, that we have to take on faith with God; same with dating. There has always been, and always will be somewhat of a mysterious element that we can't shove dating into a small box, but have to take on faith. God is big enough to guides us through that mystery.
BTW, sounds like you already have some bad experience with this too, eriol. I'm not surprised. Thanks for the comments, to both of you!
Hi, my name is Sarah and I used to be a man-hater.
Well, not really, but I would subscribe to somewhat ridiculous procedures in how everything "had to be" in any sort of relationship, even the most benign acquaintanceship. Stuff like I wouldn't say hello unless the guy said hello first.
I'm not really blaming this legalism on courtship per se but on my own sinful heart which is prone to cling to rules in order to have a basis by which to judge whether I am "winning" at the righteousness game. But certainly subscribing to a system that tends to supply a lot of ready-made rules might not have helped.
Yet for all that I think the courtship advocates have the right heart--a desire to honor God in relationships rather than serve self. What I needed to realize was that righteous living comes in all stripes.
The courtship advocates are trying to transcend the current culture and its lousy way of doing relationships. What they might not recognize is that by transcending one culture, they are embedding themselves firmly within another, albeit older, culture that was also fraught with its own problems. At least, that's how I see it. Both our current generation and our grandparents' generation might have something to offer in the way of relational advice, but both need to examined with wisdom, and ultimately one has to ask what the motivation is behind any particular action. As one of Covenant's Bible profs used to say "The heart of the matter is...it's a matter of the heart."
My working theory is that IF someone is honestly and earnestly seeking after the well-being of another person AND honestly and earnestly immersing themselves in Scripture and surrounding themselves with godly friends, then precisely what they do will not matter too much.
It’s been ages since I've been out here. I just love this post and the comments in it. I think you are all onto something definitely.
We don't want to trade one set of rules for another set. But I do believe the heart behind the rules is being honest, honest in that the people trying to live by them know they need them. It doesn't make them righteous; it reflects that perhaps they are unsure of how to live life being totally confident in the Spirit's leading.
I get their fear. Sometimes it’s just easier to have rules than to go it alone with God. That's a very ambiguous stance to some. If you take the Spirit led route your "success" if you could call it that is rooted in your relationship with your God. If you know it’s already on shaky ground or you haven't disciplined yourself to hear his word, to you it’s a scary proposition.
In the end I think that boundaries not rules are good ideas. It can happen that you lose sight of the goal and those boundaries you've set already can be a safety net in a way. A checkpoint to make you analyze your actions and prompt you to see God's leading again on your direction. But following a set of rules will not lead you to success or happiness either. We must learn to live in between. After all God does give us guidelines on how to live our life. It’s a simple statement that oozes into every facet of you life and psyche. In fact I think I’ll have to post something on it… “"Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?" Jesus replied: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.'This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments." Matthew 22: 36-40
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